


To Fly is to Risk Falling

by astudyinfic



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec has wings, Alternate Universe - Wings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus and Alec deserve each other (because they are both 'nice things'), Magnus has problems, Smut, Wingfic, inadvertent suicide attempt, mentions of abuse (Camille and Asmodeus to Magnus), mentions of homophobia (Robert to Alec)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-29 09:42:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13924494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: Thrown out by his parents and forbidden from seeing his siblings, when Alec's grandfather Andrew passes, he loses the only family he has left.  One night Alec receives a mysterious package in the mail, his birthright from Andrew whose death left Alec alone in the world.  Inside, he discovers his family secret: the firstborn Lightwood of every other generation has wings.With the knowledge of how to unlock his wings, Alec takes to the skies over New York every night, as a way to escape the sadness of his life.  One night, he sees a man far too drunk to be standing that close to a railing and catches him just in time.So starts a tentative relationship between the 'broken' Magnus Bane and his guardian angel who appears on his penthouse balcony every night.  Together the two start to heal on their own and as a pair.





	1. Inheritance

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to my amazing beta [1-maleclove-8](http://1-maleclove-8.tumblr.com/) and all my love to [maraudeursera](https://maraudeursera.tumblr.com/) for the beautiful art.
> 
> Also, a huge shout-out to the lemons who talked me through multiple bouts of panic when I thought I would never get through this fic. You all are my rock and I love and appreciate all of you.

_ We are each of us angels with only one wing and we can only fly by embracing one another.  _

_ \- Luciano de Crescenzo _

As far as inheritances went, the one Alec received from his grandfather left a lot to be desired.  Just after his twenty-fifth birthday, his lawyer delivered the small box to his door. Of all the things he imagined could be inside, the small jar of what appeared to be hand cream made him more confused and disappointed than anything else.  His grandfather was the one person he had left in the world and while he knew he received money and the family home from him as well, he had hoped that this small package would be something sentimental, a family legacy or the like. Hand cream was not what he had hoped for or wanted.  

When he turned eighteen, Alec used his birthday dinner to tell his parents something about himself, something he thought would be no big deal to them.  When he came out, his siblings smiling supportively at him, he felt lighter than ever, with that knowledge finally out in the open. Everything fell down around him, though, when Robert raged that no son of his would be a fag and he could either come to his senses or get out.  Maryse stood behind her other children, making sure they didn’t get up and follow their brother as Alec nodded once before going to his room to get his things. Twenty minutes later, he stood on the sidewalk in front of Lightwood Manor, dialing his grandfather’s number with trembling fingers.  

Andrew Lightwood helped set Alec up with an apartment and get into school, never telling his son and daughter-in-law that he’d basically adopted the son they abandoned.  Andrew passed messages between Alec and his siblings, making sure Jace, Izzy, and Max knew Alec still loved them, even if he couldn’t see them. Andrew was the one at Alec’s graduation from college with a degree in creative writing and the one to tell him how proud he was.  His grandfather did more in those five years to help Alec grow into the man he now was then his parents did in the eighteen prior. When he died a few weeks ago, Alec thought his world would come to an end. But the world kept turning and Alec vowed to be the best man he could be, to honor his grandfather’s legacy.

Taking the box with a polite thank you to the lawyer who looked far more intrigued than Alec as to why Andrew would have left such a thing to him, Alec closed the door and returned to his desk.  Attempting to work proved fruitless with this new and unexpected gift from his grandfather sitting next to him. Thinking of it as one last birthday present from the most important person in his life, Alec sat with the box in his lap, staring at it in trepidation.  While it wasn't something Alec necessarily wanted, it was important enough for Andrew to ensure he received it when he passed. 

The container inside was plain, a simple white carafe of white cream.  There was no writing on it at all, something that struck Alec as odd but given the absurdity of the whole situation, he didn’t dwell on it for long.  Sniffing the contents, thinking maybe this belonged to the grandmother he couldn’t remember, Alec was surprised to find that the fragrance was familiar but not one that he associated with anyone in his family.  Instead, it smelled of grass and fresh air and the sky before a thunderstorm. It didn’t smell artificial in any way and he marveled at the manufacturing of it. 

Turning the container over in his hands, he noticed a small note still at the bottom of the box.  Recognizing his grandfather’s script at once, he grabbed for it, eagerly reading the words from the man he so dearly missed. 

_ My Dearest Alec,  _

_ If you are reading this letter, it means that I have passed before I had a chance to give you this.  I hope that was not the case and writing this letter was a futile effort but all the same, you deserve an explanation if my death has left you all alone.  I loved you more than I could ever say and even the thought of leaving you hurts my heart. I am so proud of you, my boy, for everything you have survived. You are stronger than you will ever know. _

_ I am sure that your thoughts right now are varied and confused.  Not many young men hope to be given a container of skin cream for their birthdays.  I wish I could be there to explain it to you, to help you understand your birthright, but this letter will have to suffice.    _

_ That balm you have there is passed down from grandparent to grandchild and has been for as long as our family can remember.  My grandfather gave it to me and now I give it to you. You get only one jarful, so use it well. There will be a time when none remains and you will only have your memories to fall back on.  Make sure you have good memories or at least ones that make you proud.  _

_ By now you are probably wondering what this does.  I will not tell you. It is something that would seem too strange to be real when coming from a few written words.  Instead, I will give you the instructions that my grandfather gave me. What you do from there is up to you. But I know you, Alec, and I know you will use this for good.  _

_ Whenever you wish to use this, rub a small drop onto the skin of each shoulder blade.  It is best to do this at night, for reasons that will become obvious when you try it the first time.  Also best not to wear a shirt the first time. You will understand.  _

_ The effects will last for eight hours, at which time they will vanish immediately.  Keep accurate track of the time as trying to go for too long could lead to drastic consequences.  _

_ A few final notes, which will seem so far off right now, to you as young as you are.  When it is time for you to pass this onto your first-born grandchild, give it to them on their twenty-fifth birthday.  It is imperative you do not give it to them earlier as the jar will not be full yet. I do not know how this works but it is true nonetheless.   _

_ I wish I could be with you, Alec, at this time of your life.  I am proud of the man you've become and will continue to be. Know that I am always watching over you and love you more than heaven itself.    _

_ Until we meet again.  _

_ Your loving grandfather,   _

_ Andrew _

Tears sprung unwanted to Alec’s eyes and he scrubbed them with the back of his hand.  The last words his grandfather would ever say to him made no sense. It didn’t seem fair.  Even still, the knowledge that his grandfather loved him so much warmed Alec’s heart even as it pained him to be separated from him so soon.  Thankful for the note, he tucked it safely in his desk, knowing that its mere presence would bring him comfort on more difficult days. 

The sky had gone dark while he studied the parcel, and curiosity got the best of him.  What could be so important about this small, palm-sized jar of balm that his grandfather would make sure to pass it down, even after he passed on?  There was no way Alec would get any more work done until he found out for sure. The possibility that his grandfather was teasing him, even from death, did momentarily pass through Alec’s mind, but he thought he knew Andrew better than that. Something about this cream was important enough to Andrew to make sure it got to Alec, even after he died.  If for no other reason but that, Alec would cherish it forever.

Taking the jar with him to his bedroom, Alec set it on the bed before stripping off his shirt.  This instruction, at least, made sense. Hard to reach your shoulder blades with a shirt on. Putting a small drop of the lotion on his finger, it warmed instantly upon his touch, much to Alec’s amazement. He had expected the lotion to be cool to the touch.  That strange yet familiar aroma hit his nose once more and he contorted to place the balm where his grandfather had told him, trying not to feel like a fool. At least he had no roommate to take enjoyment from his awkwardness. His embarrassment and unease only increased as he sat there, waiting for anything to happen, other than a warm feeling where he had placed the drops.   

When a few minutes had passed, Alec decided that either this had been a prank from his grandfather – one last joke between the two of them – or the cream that may have worked for Andrew did not work for him.  However, as he stood up, a large weight behind him pulled him back down and he flailed gracelessly as he fell back on the bed. Thus started a comedic chain of events where he spun helplessly trying to see what it was on his back.  Only when he slowed down and really looked could he see what had appeared, just off his shoulder blades. 

A pair of massive white wings had grown from his back where only minutes before there had been none.  The arch of the wings reached over his head while the tips touched the ground. Stomach clenching with unease, Alec reached behind him to touch the feather appendages, thinking perhaps this was all a dream.  Maybe he’d fallen asleep while waiting for the cream to take effect? But he could feel them under his fingers as well as feel his fingers on his wings. They were real. They were a part of him as if they had been there his entire life, though his absolute panic told him they were very, VERY new.   

Some minutes passed as he figured out how to get them to move, these new appendages he had never experienced before.  He was thankful for all his years of martial arts and strength training, but he was still sweating under the exertion of using his muscles in ways he never before imagined.  Alec realized it hurt when he managed to spread them out, only to bang one against the dresser at one side of his room. Finally, he learned to control them to some extent, though he felt like a baby deer just learning to walk.  This thought which brought another image to mind. 

If he had wings, perhaps he could fly?  While he lived with his parents, the Lightwood family traveled extensively, Andrew included.  His father had been a businessman with contacts around the world and he often brought his wife and children with him so they could experience different cultures while he worked.  As such, Alec had been to more countries than most children his age. After he was disowned, travel became a luxury he simply couldn’t afford. Maybe this would be a way so he could travel again, without using all of his inheritance in one go.

But throwing himself off a building to see if this worked really didn’t seem like his smartest idea.

The night passed quickly, with Alec getting used to the weight on his back and more accustomed to not knocking things over as he moved.  When not fighting with the logistics of having wings, he was trying to psych himself into attempting a flight. The low ceiling of his tiny apartment made this location impossible so he would need to go somewhere else if he was going to try.  Jumping off the balcony was a terrible idea because he could read the headline now:  _ Bewinged Idiot Falls to His Death Thinking He Can Fly.  _  Instead, he settled on going to Central Park the next night.  With that thought in mind, he fell asleep on the couch, face down with the wings a warm and comfortable weight on top of him.

Alec woke the next morning to a bare back, and if not for a few feathers scattered around the apartment, he would have believed it all to be a dream.  It was too fantastic and surreal to be happening. His grandfather’s legacy was wings? Of all the things he might have expected, that was far from the top of the list.  Alec considered himself a man of logic and could think of no rational explanation for what happened. But no matter how much he wished to study the phenomenon, it would require using the cream for something other than its original purpose and with its limited nature, Alec didn’t want to waste it.  It was far too precious. Maybe someone else in future generations would study it instead. 

Concentrating on work proved difficult that day, his mind going back to the small jar and the few feathers he had placed next to it.  Thankful to be able to work from home, Alec didn’t have to answer any nosy questions about why he was so tired and distracted. Tonight he would try flying, which would require going out in public with large, noticeable wings, but for now, he could hide at home with only his memory of the previous night.  Hopefully, he could find someplace in the park secluded enough that he wouldn’t be caught. Large white wings were hard to hide and even more difficult to explain. 

Eventually, he finished his work and, in the end, the day passed quicker than he could have expected.  Most of the afternoon was filled with finding a shirt he didn’t like and cutting holes large enough to allow the wings to pass through but still allow him to be covered.  If he was going to be caught, Alec reasoned, he would at least be completely dressed. On his way out the door, his heart panged when he caught a glimpse of a photo he kept in a frame.  Jace, Izzy, Andrew and himself, grinning at the camera not long before Alec was forced from his home. His three favorite people in the world and none of them were here to share what might be the most exciting thing that ever happened to him.  

A small grove of trees, towering overhead, with a clearing in the middle ended up being the spot Alec chose for his flying test.  The trees provided a natural barrier, both from people accidentally seeing him and also for him accidentally getting out of control and careening through New York, neither of which were things he wished for that evening.  Even after the walk there, the time spent waiting for the wings to appear and the rather embarrassing period of trying to put his shirt back on (next time he would leave it on in the first place, he reasoned), Alec still found himself apprehensive, a gnawing unease growing in his belly.  Flying? Was he crazy? Here he was, thinking about taking to the air under his own power? Was he mad or just being brave? Alec honestly wasn’t sure. 

Taking a deep breath, Alec steadied his racing heart and gave a massive flap of the wings.  He rose three feet off the ground then panicked and landed almost immediately, the impact hurting his knees briefly.  But other than that, nothing happened. He was still whole, he wasn’t injured, and he had flown, albeit for only a few seconds.  Back safely on the ground, he could admit that the feeling of propelling himself up had been liberating. The second attempt took less convincing as he rose even higher and glided more gently to the ground than he had before.  For hours, he practiced, feeling the leaves brush against the sensitive feathers as he made laps around the clearing, far too small now that he knew what he was doing. 

So it was in the early morning hours that Alec took a chance and flew out of the grove of trees, soaring high above the New York City.  Not many people were out at that time of night, only a few windows lit and a handful of cars on the street. He could see the whole city, spread out below him like something from an artist’s imagination.  His worry over flying under his own power vanished, replaced by a desperate need to go higher, to see more. Only when the first rays of light were peeking over the horizon did Alec return to his small home.  Thankful for the small balcony he had, Alec landed by the outside door to his apartment and stepped inside, hoping none of his neighbors saw the strange sight of a man with wings entering from the outside. Exhaustion overtook him almost immediately and Alec collapsed into his bed, sleeping through most of the day and waking to find the wings gone once more.  Alec wondered how they vanished, if they just disappeared from one instant to the next, or faded slowly, or the feathers dropped off until there was nothing left. Maybe he’d actually try and stay awake long enough to find out sometime.

Sleeping through most of the day left him playing catch-up with his work.  As a writer, Alec was able to work from home, something that would make this much easier.  He spent the remaining hours of the day at his computer, doing everything he should have been working on while he slept.  He would need to find some sort of balance between flying at night and doing his work during the day because while he still needed to work and he still needed to sleep, he wanted to fly.  All night, every night. Hopefully, he would be able to find balance sooner rather than later. Even with his inheritance, he couldn’t afford to live without a job.

_ I’ll just become a superhero.  That’s probably lucrative, _ he thought, amused at the very idea of him saving people’s lives.  The wings were the most interesting thing that ever happened to him.  And most likely, the most interesting thing that ever would.


	2. Saving Magnus

As darkness fell and buoyed by his successes the night before, Alec waited until his street quieted down and then jumped from the balcony of his loft.  He soared over the city, heart pounding and mind calm. If he’d ever known this kind of peace in his life, Alec couldn't remember when that might have been.  Surely when he was very small and his parents still loved him. His life had been one stress after another since he lost everything. Sure, he almost felt like he was whole again now, but it had been a long and painful process of rebuilding and he knew he still had a ways to go.  While he flew, he didn’t worry about the loss of his family, the fact that he was lonely, the fact that he was lost. All that mattered was the wind on his wings and in his face.

Night after night, Alec flew, seeing new areas and enjoying the freedom.  Despite his previous concerns, flying in the rain was just as fun, though he bought some goggles as the water made it hard to see where he was going.  But it wasn’t raining the night his life changed once more. By then, Alec had seen people at times when they probably did not expect others to be watching.  In those late hours, curtains left opened showed him private worlds that were best unseen. He did his best to look away, telling himself they were entitled to their privacy but one man made it impossible for him to ignore.

The large picture windows were dim, though some light shone from a room far inside the loft.  The door to the patio lay open and on the balcony was a man, not much older than himself and appearing to be in good shape and health, current circumstances excluded.  What caught Alec’s eye was the way he leaned heavily on the railing of his balcony, half-passed out. If Alec had to guess, he would say the man had been staring out into the city, drinking until his body couldn’t take any more.  Bottles littered the ground at the man’s feet and his body teetered precariously on the thin railing, the only thing stopping him from death on the pavement far below. It didn’t look sturdy enough to hold a full grown man, let alone one not conscious enough to save himself if the railing was to give out

Knowing he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he read about someone plummeting to his death the next day, and realizing the man was in no state to remember anything about Alec were he to wake while Alec was close, he took a chance.  He landed gently next to him, being careful not to break or kick any of the bottles, for fear of startling the man and sending him toppling over the edge. Once more thankful for all his training which left him with a fair amount of strength, he hauled the man into his arms and moved him inside to the sofa.   

Seeing him now, Alec wondered what had happened to him.  Dark circles stood out under his eyes and his skin looked pale and clammy.  He looked ill, though if that was the alcohol or something else, Alec didn’t know.  Calling the paramedics crossed Alec’s mind but he couldn’t figure out how to explain to him how he knew what was going on inside a locked apartment, particularly since he couldn’t stay and be seen with his wings.  

Despite the unhealthy sheen on the man’s skin, Alec noticed that he was very attractive.  The black hair that looked well styled even after his near-death experience, the pink tips making Alec smile in spite of himself.  His body was muscled and toned in a different way than Alec’s, and it made desire pool in his stomach, something he shoved down and away.  It wasn’t appropriate to ogle a man clearly going through something awful.

While he hated digging through someone else’s home, he worried about the man and wanted to at least clean his face and help remove the thin layer of sweat that had gathered there.  Finding a cloth, he wet it with cool water and gently wiped off his face before resting the cloth on his forehead, hoping to cool him down a little. As Alec stood there, staring down at the man, he blinked his eyes open.  Unfocused though they were, Alec found himself momentarily breathless at the brilliant green-gold hue. He’d never seen eyes quite like that and he wanted to see them when they weren’t glossy with inebriation and pain.

“Can’t be dying,” the man slurred, blinking rapidly as if that would help him focus better.  It didn’t seem to help and he sighed, letting his eyes close again, though he continued to speak.  “Right? Not dying?”

“Doesn’t appear that way, no,” Alec answered, unsure what the man was going on about but playing along. And he certainly hoped the man wasn’t dying.   He wanted to know more about him, to get to know him. Perhaps without the wings, someday. “What makes you sure you aren’t dying? From the looks of it, you gave it a good go.  Drank half a liquor store if all those bottles are to be believed. But now, I think you are going to live. You’ll have one hell of a hangover tomorrow, though.” Alec certainly didn’t envy that.  It was one of the myriad of reasons he himself didn’t drink. The few times he had, the next morning he’d prayed for the sweet release of death just to relieve him of his hangover.

“Not dying,” the man mumbled again, nodding as if that were his final decision.  “I don’t get angels. I’m not good enough for an angel. Don’t deserve you.” And with that, he slipped back into unconsciousness. Alec’s heart clenched when he realized what the man had said.  Tucking his wings behind him, Alec settled to sit on the floor to watch over him for the night.

Alec stayed by the man’s side until nearly sunrise, making sure he didn’t actually die after telling him that would be the case.  Rifling through some old letters on the coffee table, he learned that the man’s name was Magnus and he appeared to be very much alone.  The loft looked as if he had just moved in, with boxes everywhere and only the bare essentials unpacked. While it would be a nice place to live once he was settled, right now it just screamed of loneliness, which might have been why he was drinking himself half to death in the first place.  Alec wanted to know why. Why was Magnus here alone, why did he feel the need to drink himself into such a state? What happened to Magnus that caused him to be like this, living in an empty shell of a loft, with only cardboard boxes as decorations. Even Alec’s apartment, sparse though it was, looked homier than this.  Everything about the scene in front of him broke Alec’s heart, and it was with much regret that he left just before sunrise, not wishing to have to walk home when his wings disappeared soon. He made a vow to go back and check on Magnus the next chance he got.

The next chance, however, was nearly a week later as deadlines took over Alec’s life and he didn’t have a chance to go out for anything, let alone to check on someone he didn’t actually know.  No matter how much he might care about whether the man lived or died, Alec didn’t really know anything about him except his name and where he lived. Nightmares plagued him during the week, thoughts of everything that might have happened.  It didn’t look like Magnus was intentionally trying to kill himself but Alec couldn’t be sure. If he had been, it is most likely he would have succeeded. Alec hoped and prayed that Magnus would be alright until he could get over there and check on him once more.  By the time he could go out again, Alec flew straight to Magnus’ loft, desperate to know if the man was safe.

Again, Alec found Magnus asleep on his patio, an empty bottle of Scotch next to his feet.  At least this time Magnus was slumped in a chair and not about to fall to his death. Still, it looked uncomfortable and Alec felt any proximity to the edge was too much.  Moving him back to the sofa, Alec left Magnus sitting up so he could also sit there, perched on the edge to give his wings space. He didn’t mind sitting on the floor if no other options existed but Magnus would be fine sitting up and it gave Alec a bit more comfort.  

After an hour, Alec was still reluctant to leave the loft but also bored stiff.  Next time he would bring a book or something. Magnus probably had some but nothing had been unpacked since the last time he was here and he didn’t feel like opening sealed boxes to look.  Deciding Magnus was dead to the world anyway, he turned on the television, laughing quietly at reruns of a show he used to watch when he was a child. “I didn't realize you watched TV,” came a muffled voice from the other end of the sofa.   

“Well, it’s not like I get a lot of chances to watch since I don’t have a TV of my own, so in a way, you are right,” Alec replied, without thinking.  It sounded like something one of his siblings would say if they could see the way he lived now. “But you don’t even know me. Why would you even consider whether or not I watched television?”

Magnus struggled to sit up, leaning forward to prop his head up with his hand, elbow on his knee.  When he wobbled slightly, Alec darted forward to try and catch him before he tumbled to the ground, though Magnus regained his balance and settled back into his seat with a heavy sigh.  “Remembered you from the other night. Well, thought I did. Wasn’t sure. Everything was a blur.” He brought his hands to his temples, rubbing them as if that might bring him some clarity.  He groaned and shook his head slightly. “Thought you were a hallucination. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Pity gripped Alec’s heart as he looked at the man on the sofa.  He was so beautiful but sad, worn down. And very much alone. Alec understood that part, particularly after losing his grandfather.  It was strange to think that the only person Alec was close to right now was a man who didn’t even know if he was real or not. There was no one else, now that Andrew passed away. “What’s your name?” he asked, not wanting to tell him that he had looked around his home to find out his name.  He wanted Magnus to feel as if he had someone who cared for him because from what he had seen over the two night he visited, there was no one in his life. He was as alone as Alec.

“Magnus.  Magnus Bane,” came the overly formal reply and it made Alec smile at him.   

“Well, Magnus Magnus Bane, I’m Alexander but you can call me Alec.  That’s what most people call me.” Or used to call him. He’d become so cut off from the rest of the world that the appearance of his grandfather’s lawyer startled him.  Letting the world slip away was easy when you stayed home all the time, creating worlds of his own. He loved being a writer but it could be isolating, even without losing his family.  “You should lay down and get some rest. Sleep this off.”

Magnus moved to push himself up to a sitting position and Alec rolled his eyes.  Tell the man to do one thing and he does something else entirely. Alec barely knew him and could already see that if he was sober, he’d probably be even more difficult.  (And beautiful and kind and... Alec stopped that train of thought before it got too far). Good thing he wasn’t Magnus’ boss. He would have throttled him by now. “Not every day I get visitors, especially ones like you,” Magnus said as he made it into a sitting position.  “But I suppose you have other people you go see as well?”

Brow furrowing, Alec looked at Magnus in confusion.  “Visiting like this? No, you are the only one I’ve visited.  I’m not really big on talking to people I don’t know but I couldn’t have you plummeting to your death because you got completely smashed and tripped over the railing.”

“So you are looking out for me?  Good to know someone is.” The tone of Magnus’ voice was off, far too casual to be normal.  Alec took his hand and the look on Magnus’ face broke his heart. Magnus looked so shocked that anyone would touch him in such a gentle way that Alec wondered when it was last that someone held his hand or embraced him in comfort.   _Touch starved_ was the word that came to mind, one that could easily be applied to Alec as well.  His own heart raced at the simple touch of palm to palm.

Glancing outside, Alec could just see the horizon lightening.  Soon the city would be bustling once more and Alec would have trouble getting home without someone seeing him.  “Are you going to be okay?” The sun would be rising soon and Alec needed to get back before his wings vanished for the night.  “I need to go before the city begins to wake. I have no interest in making the news and you have no idea how hard these things are to hide.”  To accentuate what he was saying, Alec’s wings fluttered behind him.

Magnus’ eyes were trained on the wings, not that Alec could blame him.  He himself was the first person he’d ever known to have them, though the thought of his grandfather flying over their family estate in the Hampton’s made him smile.  Magnus sighed - bringing Alec’s attention back to him - and nodded, “Will I see you again?”

Alec readily agreed, already looking forward to seeing him once more.  In just two visits, he’d grown attached to Magnus, particularly since he was the only other person in the world to know his secret.  It would be nice to have a friend whom he didn’t have to hide from. The fact that Magnus might be the most attractive man he’d ever seen certainly helped as well.   “Of course. Maybe next time you will be sober.” Alec could only hope, for Magnus’ sake more than his own. He gave Magnus a smile and squeezed his hand. “Take care of yourself, Magnus.  I’ll see you soon.” With one last look back at him, Alec let himself out onto the porch and took off into the rapidly brightening sky.

 


	3. Getting Closer

During the day, Alec thought about Magnus, worried over him endlessly.  What could possibly drive him to drink himself to the brink of death every night?  What had happened to the beautiful man to break him so thoroughly that only drinking until he couldn’t feel anymore gave him any sense of relief?  Magnus gave him his last name, but Alec wouldn’t look him up. It didn’t feel right. If Magnus wanted Alec to know things about him, he would tell him.  That was his theory and he wouldn’t invade Magnus’ privacy any more than he already had. He wished he could help more; do more than just pull him back from the edge and sit with him until morning, but that would require telling Magnus who he was, something Alec wasn’t comfortable with just yet.  The Lightwood name was known throughout the northeast and he didn’t want Magnus to look down on him, even if he was no longer in contact with his family.

It soon became a habit that if Alec went out flying, he went to visit Magnus.  He needed to see for himself that the man was alright. Too many close encounters due to Magnus’ unhealthy dependence on alcohol left Alec worrying on the nights when he couldn’t visit.  

The first time he arrived at an empty loft, Alec panicked.  He looked everywhere for a key but couldn’t get in. He sat out all night on the balcony, waiting for any sign that Magnus was okay.  But the man never returned home, no lights came on, and not even the mysterious cat Magnus mentioned from time to time could be seen inside the darkened home.  Alec waited until the last possible moment then darted home as fast as he could, fearful of being caught or his wings vanishing before he got to the safety of his apartment.

Eventually, it got to the point that when he was gone, Alec would wait for part of the night just in case, before going off to do other things.  But even as he took in the sights of the city from his new vantage and enjoyed a freedom very few ever experienced, his mind was always on Magnus.  Something about the somber man drew him in, to the point that Magnus quickly became all Alec could think about when they were apart and the highlight of the night when they were together.  Magnus’ stories, when he was lucid, were told with such enthusiasm and excitement that Alec couldn’t help but feel like he’d been there with him. He traveled to such fascinating places and met all sorts of people that Alec could only imagine.  But even with the exciting, jet-set life, Magnus was sad. 

The nights where he would find Magnus so drunk he could hardly stand were some of the worst.  Alec would sit by his side, holding his hand or his head while he slept off the worst of it. Sometimes he would call out names.  Etta. Imasu. Kitty. Axel. Alec didn’t know those people but he assumed they meant something to Magnus and might be the reason he got himself into these states. Whether to forget or to remember, Alec didn’t know, but the only time he heard those names was when he was barely coherent.

On the nights when Magnus was drunk, Alec talked to him, about anything and everything.  Babbling about whatever was on the television or something funny he’d seen during the day.  Anything to make sure Magnus was still with him. He worried that one day, all that alcohol would catch up to him and Magnus wouldn’t make it through the night.  “Have you ever considered some other way of coping?” Alec sighed after cleaning Magnus’ face and putting him to bed. He didn’t expect an answer, if only because he thought Magnus had passed out.

“What would you have me do?” Magnus groaned, rolling to his side and curling into a ball, facing away from Alec.  “Yoga? Counseling? Nothing can help my problems, Alexander. So please, save your concern for someone who matters.”  He fell back asleep and Alec wondered if he would even remember what he’d said in the morning. Because Alec would never forget.  

“You matter, Magnus.  You matter to me,” he whispered, only to be met with the man’s soft snores.  Alec pulled the blanket over Magnus’ prone form and made his way home, concern for Magnus weighing on his mind.

The only nights that were worse were when Magnus was hurt.  His drunken evenings paled in comparison to the nights when Alec would fly in and find Magnus bruised and bandaged.  He looked as if he had been through a war and when Alec pressed him about what happened, who had done this to him, Magnus would wave off his concern.  “You should know,” was often his cryptic reply, always pouring himself another whiskey and leaving Alec staring at him, concerned and afraid.

These nights almost always followed one of Magnus’ absences, and he’d be drugged heavily to deal with the pain.  Alec never knew what to expect. Sometimes a broken collarbone, other times, his beautiful eyes would be black and swollen shut.  While not a violent person, Alec wished he could find out who was doing this to Magnus, who hurt him if only so he could tear them limb from limb.  Despite years of martial arts training, Alec had never even punched someone outside of his sparring classes. For the people injuring Magnus time and time again, Alec would do that and so much more.

“I would kill them for hurting you,” he growled, looking at Magnus’ broken hand, placing ice on his normally elegant fingers, swollen and bruised.  “You don’t deserve this, Magnus. Why do you keep going back to this place?”

“Because I have to.  You shouldn’t worry about me.  I’m not worth it.”

“Please stop saying that.”

“You only care because you have to, Alexander.  If you weren’t required to worry about me, don’t tell me you would even look twice.”

That should have been the first sign, he realized.  But it took Alec an inordinate amount of time to realize what Magnus thought of him.  What Magnus thought he was. Despite the fact that he grew large white wings most nights and flew around New York, despite being the one to save Magnus on several occasions when alcohol threatened his life, Alec never thought Magnus saw him as anything other than a man.  The most embarrassing part was that Magnus had to tell him. Alec never did figure it out on his own. 

Finding Magnus drunk once more,  Alec guessed that this time he might have taken some pills as well.  The man was barely conscious, slurring the strangest things. Alec couldn’t make out most of the words he spoke, but one sentence stuck out to him and stayed with him for days afterward. 

“My angel came back.” 

Magnus had called him an angel before, and Alec shrugged it off as a pet name or term of endearment.  But that night, while he took care of Magnus, getting him to bed, leaving pain reliever and water next to him and making sure he was safe, Alec dwelled on those words.  Why hadn’t it occurred to him that Magnus would believe he was an angel? He had huge white wings for God's sake. For a man who could be considered very smart on many accounts, Alec knew he could be quite stupid sometimes.  He said nothing about the comment, knowing Magnus was in no condition for a conversation about it anyway. Instead, he murmured, “I’m here Magnus,” while sitting by his bed, running his hand through his hair. He didn’t want Magnus to feel alone, no matter how alone he might actually be. 

When he only had about ten minutes to get home before the wings faded away, Alec reluctantly took flight from Magnus’ balcony.  He thought about staying, letting him see the real Alec but sometimes, he knew the belief was more important than the truth. He would tell him.  Someday. For his own sake if not for Magnus’. Because by now, Magnus was one of his best friends and not just a man he saved on occasion.

As the months went by, Magnus and Alec grew as close as two people who both hid massive secrets could be. Every time he went to tell Magnus about his true heritage, to explain that he wasn’t angelic, just a man, something held his tongue.  Just as Magnus continued to come back from his extended absences battered and bruised, refusing to talk about where he’d been, waving off Alec’s concern over his well-being. But, to Alec’s relief, he seemed to be coping better. The light returned to his eyes, sparkling in their golden green depths whenever he saw Alec step into his home.  The nights where he’d come by to find Magnus falling down drunk became less and less frequent and they were able to spend many lovely nights, just talking and laughing together. 

Alec never asked where Magnus went on those trips.  He made sure Magnus was okay and asked if there was any way for him to stay safer, but accepted it when the other dismissed the questions.  In return, Magnus never asked why Alec disappeared before sunrise each morning, why he never stayed more than a few hours. Magnus never asked where Alec went or if he had a last name or any of the things that Alec expected.  Alec was curious about the rest of Magnus’ life, desperately so, but if he didn’t tell Magnus the truth of what his life was like away from Magnus’ loft, how could he ask for that kind of honesty from the other man?

While he was spending his nights on Magnus’ couch watching bad television and enjoying the other man’s company, Alec was also becoming one of the best writers in the city, if not the nation and the world.  His stories continued to sell and he even managed a publication deal for a novel he’d been working on since college. Soon enough, his name would be on the cover of a book, and Alec couldn’t wait. He wished he could see his parents’ faces when they saw the Lightwood name on the cover of a novel involving two men in a romantic relationship.  It brought him a vindictive sort of pleasure just to think about it. 

With all his writing gigs, he now brought in enough money to move out of the dingy little one-bedroom apartment he had been living in and into a nice loft in a renovated church located in downtown Manhattan.  Clients came to him now, looking for his work rather than him having to shop it around. He could work whatever hours he wanted, doing most of it by email. It was a good job and gave him the time to sleep most of the day, something he needed due to the long nights he was spending with Magnus.   Magnus, who gave him lots of inspiration for the characters in his novel, putting his theories about Magnus’ life into the stories he wrote. 

For once, everything in his life felt like it was falling into place.

 


	4. The Woman

Which meant that his whole world turned on its ear the night Alec realized he was falling in love with Magnus.  It was on a night when Magnus was sober and whole, and a night Alec would have given anything just to spend sitting by his side.  He arrived on Magnus’ balcony to find him getting ready for dinner. The table was set with china and silver. A bottle of wine sat resting next to the glasses and a bouquet of roses glowed in the candlelight.  Alec barely had time to consider before a bell sounded from inside and he saw Magnus hurry to answer the door.

His heart clenched in his chest as he saw Magnus greet the woman on the other side with a deep kiss.  No doubt remained in his heart that this was a date and he was not welcome. No matter how much he wanted to be the one in Magnus’ arms, something he never thought before.  He’d been so concerned with making sure Magnus was happy and healthy, he didn’t notice that he gave his heart to the other man long, long ago. But Magnus did not give his heart in return.  

Not wanting to stick around to spy on the man he loved on a date with another person, Alec fell back off the balcony and took off into the night, flying far away from the city, eventually landing on the beach in front of his family’s Hamptons home.

Technically, the home belonged to him now.  Andrew left it to him in his will, something the lawyer explained.  Everything Andrew had was now Alec’s to do with as he pleased. He hoped someday to pass on some of the money and possessions to Max and Isabelle and Jace, but as he knew they were forbidden from trying to contact him, he didn’t know when he would have the chance.  They were of age now, right? If he was twenty-five, then they were easily over twenty-one. Not Max, not yet, but the other two. They could find him if they truly wanted to. It wasn’t as if Alec had been hiding for all this time.

What he wouldn’t give to have them here now.  Why Alec thought Magnus might be interested in him, he would never know, but he wished someone could tell him that he would be okay.  Obviously, Magnus’ interests lay elsewhere, with someone far more available than a broken man who happened to have wings and stumbled his way into Magnus’ life when Magnus was at his lowest.

Somehow, along the way, Alec fell madly in love with Magnus Bane.  Sure, the man thought he was an angel. Sure, the man was broken and hurting.  But so was Alec. They were both alone in the world, but they could be alone together.  At least, Alec hoped they could. But now, Magnus had found someone. Alec didn’t know love could feel like this, thought the worst pain he would ever feel was when his parents kicked him out of their home and their lives.  However, knowing the man he loved was with someone else? It came close to that pain, if not surpassed it.

The problem Alec faced was that he wanted Magnus to be happy.  More than anything else, he wished to see him smile the way he had when he opened the door tonight.  And if this woman gave him that kind of joy, Alec would do nothing to interfere. He would still go by, make sure he was safe and healthy, but he would keep his distance.  Magnus deserved that.

The night passed with Alec staring out at the ocean, wings resting on the white sand beach behind him.  He hadn’t been here since his grandfather’s death, didn’t even know if he had the key to get in. But sitting on the beach calmed his racing, broken heart.  So, for the first time since he found his wings, Alec watched the sunrise away from home and realized he had no way to get back to the city.

With no cream to create his wings, no phone to call for a ride and no wallet to pay for a ride, Alec sighed, realizing that if he couldn’t find the hidden key, he would need to walk to town and find someone to come pick him up.  In the Hamptons. On a Tuesday.

All because he fell in love with a man who couldn’t figure out if Alec was even real or not.  

By some miracle, the key his grandfather always kept hidden outside was still there, so Alec managed to get into the house if nothing else.  It was eerie to be there. The place was usually bustling with activity from the extended family that came in and out all day long during the summers they’d spent up here.  Now, since he was the only person in the house, it felt lonely and wrong.

Alec wandered through the house and saw that almost nothing had changed since the last time he came up here, only a few months before Andrew’s death.  It was just the two of them that night, no one else knew they still met. Alec could only imagine his father’s surprise at the will reading when he heard that he would get none of Andrew’s fortune, it would all skip to his eldest, disowned son Alexander. It made Alec giddy to think about it even now.

While he was still trying to figure out how to get home, he found himself in Andrew’s office, sitting at the big desk he’d always admired as a small boy.  His grandfather ran a multi-million dollar corporation in his day, something Alec realized probably belonged to him now as well. His interests were not with business but he could appreciate the fact that his father probably expected to inherit that if nothing else.  Alec should probably call the lawyer and see what needed to be done to transfer ownership to Isabelle, who had a keen mind for business and would do well in the position.

His mind focused on that, and how excited he thought his sister would be when he spotted something in a bowl on the desk.  With a laugh, Alec grabbed the keys and hurried to the garage, fist pumping the air when he saw his grandfather’s old car sitting there.  Nothing fancy, just a boring sedan, but if it still turned on, he could at least get home. And technically, it did belong to him, right? So he wasn’t stealing, just claiming part of his inheritance.

It had been ages since he drove, but thankfully the car turned on and he remembered the basics soon enough.  The countryside flew by, quickly becoming more and more crowded with buildings and cars and people. After some time, he reached the city and came to a standstill.  The mass of cars and pedestrians in the city were all trying to get through the crowded streets. Alec quickly realized that he was not going anywhere. Alec drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and watched the people walking by who were all moving much faster than he was at the moment.

Seeing Magnus there out on the street, dressed in a sharp charcoal grey suit and looking every bit the important man Alec imagined him to be shocked him for a moment.  He wondered if he’d imagined him. But no. There he was, standing with a man who looked too much like him to be anything other than a relative.

The traffic started to move and Alec cursed under his breath.  He was curious about this man, about what was going on between him and Magnus.  Just before the man was out of sight, Alec thought he saw him push Magnus up against the building.  But that was just his imagination though, right? Because why would someone who was related to Magnus hurt him in such a way?  (Alec thought about the irony of him thinking that considering how much his own father hurt him. Though never physically. Robert never laid a hand on him.  He probably knew that Alec could have taken him if it came to blows. Sometimes in the dead of night, Alec wondered if that would have been better or worse.)

By the time Alec got to his neighborhood and found a place to park the car, he had convinced himself that he had been imagining things.  That either the person he saw wasn’t Magnus, or he misunderstood what he was seeing since he was in the process of driving away. Whatever it was, Magnus was fine.  And to convince himself, Alec would go back that night and check on him, just to be safe.

Arriving at Magnus’ loft not long after midnight, Alec perched himself on the darkened fire escape, someplace where he could see in well enough but anyone inside would have a hard time seeing him.  Magnus was happy with that woman, so Alec didn’t want to interrupt anything that might be going on. He only wanted to assure himself that Magnus was fine and go back home, or perhaps take to flying around the city again.  Weeks had passed since the last time he’d done that, usually choosing to go to Magnus’ rather than spend time on his own.

Alec noted the two wine glasses on the table and he tried to tamp down on his jealousy.  Magnus definitely had company. He deserved to be happy and Alec was only here to make sure he was safe and uninjured.  That was all. His claim to Magnus could only be described as a friendship if that. Most of the time, Magnus didn’t seem to believe he was real.  Hearing voices, Alec pulled back farther from the window, not wanting to be seen. While Magnus would probably be okay with him being there, his girlfriend certainly would not.  Alec couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t expect to see a man peering in through a penthouse window either.

It didn’t take long before Magnus and his girlfriend walked back into the room.  They were all smiles, Magnus looking lovingly at her while she looked around the apartment he’d been decorating ever since Alec first met him.  What he wouldn’t give to have Magnus look at him that way. Magnus looked at the girl as if she hung the moon and stars and she didn’t even notice it.  Or she did and didn’t care. Which would be so much worse, as far as Alec was concerned.

They sat on the couch, drinking their wine and talking.  The girlfriend did most of the talking; Magnus just nodded along, drinking his wine and smiling at her.  Alec thought she could get the same kind of interaction from a bobblehead if all she wanted was someone to listen to her stories.  She should have been engaging with Magnus instead of talking at him. Magnus was far too interesting and charismatic to just sit there nodding along without being allowed to contribute at any point.

Alec frowned more, however, when he noticed Magnus rubbing the back of his head whenever she wasn’t looking.  From what he saw that day, that was the exact place where Magnus’ head would have hit the wall when that man pushed him.  Maybe he hadn’t imagined it after all. But if not, then why didn’t Magnus tell her? Or did he tell her and she didn’t care?

His thoughts spiraled away from him, each more horrible than the last.  What if she was involved? What if she just didn’t care? Alec had to hold himself back, to not rush in there and ask Magnus if he was alright.  It wasn’t his place and if Magnus didn’t want her to know about it, then he wouldn’t share. But Alec continued to sit there, watching this one-sided interaction where the woman talked and Magnus listened, rubbing his head whenever she looked away.  

It wasn’t until Magnus’ eyes drifted to the window in front of Alec that he decided to leave.  The hope he saw there was simply his imagination. Magnus probably saw his girlfriend’s reflection.  He certainly wasn’t hoping for his angel-friend to stop by when he had his girlfriend over. It just wasn’t possible.  Alec spent the short flight home convincing himself of that and ended up collapsing into bed, pajama pants barely pulled up over his hips and giant wings providing the blanket for the rest of him.  

He dreamt of soft lips against his own, of gentle fingers running through the feathers of his wings while they made love.  Magnus whispering endearments and promises into Alec’s skin as the winged man rode him, Magnus’ arms around his hips, holding him close.  And when he woke the next morning, Alec could almost imagine the whole thing was real. Except that it was that woman in Magnus’ bed and he was here, alone in the same place he always slept, the bed covered in feathers and his heart breaking all over again.  

Alec vowed to never go back.  Magnus was happier now. His girlfriend would take care of him, make sure he didn’t get hurt when he drank too much.  She would protect him and love him in the way Alec wanted to do but never could. If she made Magnus happy, then Alec would disappear.  

Except he didn’t.  Every night he found the energy to fly, Alec would go to Magnus’ house first.  Most nights it was dark. He would land on the balcony and look in, just to make sure Magnus wasn’t hurt and alone.  He never was. When the house wasn’t dark, it usually contained two people, generally in a state of undress. Those nights, Alec went the other direction as quickly as he could.  He didn’t need to see that. That was for the two people involved and not the third hopelessly in love with Magnus.

Why he tortured himself like this, Alec didn’t know.  Or he did know but refused to admit it. Because he’d missed his chance.  He could have maybe had what Magnus had with that woman, but never took that leap of faith.  Ironic considering the faith it took him to fly that first time. Alec thought leaps of faith would be his specialty by then.

Days passed.  Weeks. Several months.  Every time Alec flew, he went past Magnus’ house.  Until one night, he saw something that made his heart shatter completely.  Magnus down on one knee, offering a ring to the woman who smiled down at him.  There was something off about her smile but Alec didn’t wait around to find out.  He’d lost Magnus. The man was engaged and he would never be Alec’s now. Not that he ever was to begin with.


	5. Declarations

Alec didn’t come back for four days, though he meant for it to be more.  He needed to put some space between him and Magnus. Maybe he would go back in a week and have a drink with him to celebrate the engagement.  That was the kind of thing friends did after all and Alec wanted to at least be Magnus’ friend, even if he couldn’t be more. But with the wound still too fresh, he knew he would never be as unbiased as he wanted to be if he went now.

It was pure coincidence that brought him to Magnus’ loft after the four days had passed.  Sitting on a roof in Brooklyn, feeling sorry for himself, a cat had nuzzled up against him, purring and having the time of its life batting playfully at his wings.  “Go away, kitty,” he mumbled half-heartedly. He wanted to mope in peace and having a playful cat nearby wouldn’t do anything but make him smile. “Go home.” 

The cat crawled onto his lap, looking up at him with such big blue eyes, the smile pulled up at his lips despite his best efforts.  “Where do you live?” he mumbled to the cat as he looked at the glittery purple color around its neck. 

_ Chairman Meow _

Alec snorted at that.  Great name, if a bit unusual.

_ If found, please return to Magnus Bane _

Alec sighed, because of all the cats in the city, the one that wouldn’t leave him alone belonged to Magnus.  Of course. He didn’t even know Magnus actually had a cat. He’d mentioned one, sure, but Alec had never seen him.  “How do you feel about flying, Chairman Meow? Because I really don’t want to walk to Magnus’ with these wings.” The cat didn’t answer, so Alec took his silence as acceptance and gathered him into his arms.  “How did you get all the way over here? You’re five blocks from home, you little monster.”

He took off, trying to hold Chairman close enough so he wouldn’t see what they were doing and panic.  All he wanted to do was drop off the cat and go away before Magnus saw him. In and out, simple as that.

All of those intentions flew out the window as he landed on Magnus’ balcony.  The loft, a place he’d felt so comfortable in until Magnus’ girlfriend came in the picture, was in ruins.  Everything was broken and smashed, furniture overturned and holes in the wall that looked like they’d been made from fists.  But what hurt more than anything was that Magnus sat in the middle of it all, surrounded by alcohol bottles, half-conscious. 

Setting Chairman down, Alec hurried to Magnus’ side, making sure he was alive and breathing.  Satisfied, Alec took the drink out of Magnus’ hand, an action that caused the other man to look at him and glare.  “Oh, so you’re back? I thought I’d managed to scare you off. Everyone else leaves, why wouldn’t you?”

“You didn’t need me, Magnus,” Alec said carefully, not wanting to upset him while he was in this state.  “I didn’t want to intrude on your life when you seemed so happy.” Which was true. As long as Magnus was happy, that was what mattered to him.  Or so he liked to tell himself. “Where is your fiance, Magnus? Is she okay?”

“Fiance?” Magnus brow scrunched up and his unfocused eyes turned on Alec.  “Oh, Camille? How did you know I proposed?” He waved that question away as soon as he asked, “Never mind, you know everything, don’t you?  It’s why you left. You knew I wanted you and you didn’t want me so you left. Just like everyone else leaves. Camille left. My mother left.  Even my damn cat.” 

“Chairman is right over there,” Alec managed to say, despite his heart pounding in his chest.  Magnus wanted him? But he had that woman, Camille? And Magnus never seemed shy about talking to Alec about anything else, so why wouldn’t he have said something before now?  “Magnus, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you are saying.”

Magnus glared at him, something he’d never seen directed at himself and it was all Alec could do not to cower under the heat of the stare.  “I know exactly what I’m saying. My guardian angel doesn’t love me. Not the way I love him. And I don’t want your pity for it. You’re the one who left me and never came back until now.  Do you only show up when I’m drunk and pathetic? Near death? Is that what I need to do to get you to spend time with me?” 

Alec’s blood ran cold at the thought of Magnus hurting himself intentionally in order to spend time with Alec.  “No. No, Magnus. You don’t need to hurt yourself. I didn't think you wanted me here. I thought you wanted her.  I’m sorry.” Alec knew he was doing the right thing when he left Magnus to live his life with Camille. In hindsight, however, it appeared that all Magnus wanted was for Alec to stay, and he’d taken that away from him.  “I never meant for you to think that I didn’t want to be here. I love being here, Magnus. I love...being near you.” 

He wouldn’t say it like this.  Not when Magnus was drunk and not completely himself.  When Magnus was sober, if he still felt the same way, Alec would tell him how much he loved him.  How his heart beat only for him. How he would spend every night wishing he could come here just to hear one of Magnus’ ridiculous stories.

“I missed you,” Magnus mumbled, gripping Alec’s shirt lightly and pulling him from his thoughts.  “I worried I wouldn’t see you again until I was dead.” Without thinking, Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, supporting him against his chest as Magnus slipped in and out of consciousness.  When Magnus started to shiver, Alec thought nothing of wrapping his wings around him to keep him warm. Magnus sighed and nuzzled into his neck, not noticing the way Alec’s breath hitched in reaction.  “I love you, angel,” Magnus mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.

“I love you too, Magnus,” Alec whispered back, tears stinging his eyes.  Tomorrow, Magnus would wake hungover and probably forget everything but for now, Alec had this and that was enough.  He waited as long as he could before picking Magnus up and carrying him to his bed. Alec did what he could to straighten up the loft, throwing away the bottles and putting the furniture right if nothing else.  When the sun rose and his wings vanished in the early morning rays of light, Alec let himself out of Magnus’ flat the mundane way, but not before leaving one of the white feathers on the pillow next to the man he loved.  

As far as love letters went, it wasn’t the most eloquent, but Alec hoped Magnus understood the symbolism in the gesture. Alec left part of himself with that beautiful, broken man. Physically, it was just a feather, but emotionally, his heart was Magnus’ through and through.

It was strange to walk home from Magnus’ and it took Alec a few minutes to figure out how to even get back to his own place.  He’d never come here on foot, so without being able to fly, it made things significantly more difficult. Eventually, he found the right street and his feet carried him home, even as his mind stayed behind in that apartment with the man he thought might be the love of his life. 

The plan to go back that night was thwarted by a call from his manager, telling him that he needed to make some last minute additions to his first book, due to be published the next month.  Alec nearly screamed, having thought he was done with the writing and the fact that it disrupted his plans to go and see Magnus. But writing had been his dream and now that he finally had a chance to make it in the industry, he wasn’t going to throw it away for anything.

The sun was rising as he finished the edits and when he collapsed into his bed that morning, he hoped Magnus wouldn’t be upset.  He didn’t want to stay away, and he would make that clear to him that night.

When he arrived at Magnus’, a bouquet of flowers in hand, he was momentarily surprised not to see Magnus passed out someplace in the loft.  Instead, he sat on the couch, an untouched glass of wine in front of him. “I thought I imagined you came back,” he said, staring at the stemware instead of looking up at Alec.  “I thought my mind had finally broken. I vowed to stop drinking but then poured myself this by habit. It’s been sitting here since last night and I was debating whether or not just to give in.  You weren’t coming back so what was the point of being sober?”

Alec set the flowers on the table and moved the glass out of the way, sitting in front of Magnus.  “The point is that the world needs you, Magnus. I need you. I’m sorry I didn’t come last night. I wanted to but I had other work that got in the way.  By the time I was done, the sun was up and I figured you would be on your way to your own job soon enough. But please, Magnus, even if I am not here. Even if you are alone.  Please remember, the world is a better place because you are in it.” If something happened to Magnus, Alec would never be able to live with himself. 

“I forgot you probably had others, that you couldn’t just watch me all the time.”  Magnus’ voice sounded so small and Alec wanted to make it go away. He wanted Magnus, healthy and happy, smiling at him like he was Magnus’ favorite thing in the world.  “But you came back. I’m probably the most broken person you look after.”

“Magnus,” Alec said carefully.  “Whatever you think I am, I’m not.  I’m just a human, like you.”

Laughing, soft and humorless, Magnus shook his head, “Alexander, as hard as it might be for you to believe, I’m sober right now.  Which means that while you may have been able to convince me of that while I was drunk, I’m sitting here staring at your huge wings and I know for a fact that they are not a hallucination.  So, you can tell me one thing but what I am seeing with my own eyes contradicts that.”

Alec’s wings, traitors that they were, fluttered behind him.  He didn’t know how to explain it. The origin of his wings was something private and Alec didn’t know if he was ready to share that just yet. He loved Magnus but the future was unknowable.  Telling Magnus his secret and then having something happen between them could leave the other man in an awkward position. So Alec chose a more evasive answer. “They’re a family trait,” Alec settled on. It was the truth while leaving out the details. “But I assure you, I’m human. And if you met any of my family, you would understand.”  Maybe. But considering he was the only living member of his family with wings, he hoped Magnus would see him as just a man. “Does it matter?”

Magnus shrugged, “It does if I want you. I figured I was going to hell for having inappropriate thoughts about an angel.”  He grinned, eyes sparkling, “So what you are telling me is that I can fantasize about you without worrying about going to hell?  That will be a relief.”

Alec was having trouble keeping up because it seemed too good to be true that Magnus wanted him the way Alec wanted Magnus. He didn’t get that lucky. The only luck he had in his life was the cream his grandfather left him that led him to Magnus. Finally, he asked, feeling slow for not figuring it out on his own, “So you like me?  Like, um,  _ that _ ?”  He cursed himself for being this awkward, like a middle school boy with a crush.  Alec blushed and looked away. 

Gentle fingers caressed his cheek and turned his head to face Magnus. “I thought you knew that, Alexander. I thought you were just being a gentleman.”  Magnus smile was so warm and happy, Alec’s heart stuttered in his chest. “Can I kiss you, darling?”

Alec nodded and a moment later, their lips met in the softest kiss of Alec’s life. But as soft as it was, he nearly gasped at the sensation. After dreaming about this for so long, Alec knew now that his imagination didn’t even come close.  Kissing Magnus could only be compared to flying, something he knew a thing or two about. The rush of adrenaline, the feeling of soaring, Alec wanted it to continue for the rest of this life. Magnus parted Alec’s lips with his tongue and Alec was almost embarrassed by the sound that it pulled from his chest.  Magnus quickly became his favorite taste in the world and Alec wrapped his arms around him to pull him even closer, needing to feel Magnus’ body against his own. 

Magnus was just as affected if the hardness Alec felt when they pressed together was any indication.  Part of his brain short-circuited, wanting nothing more than to rip their clothes off and find their way to the bedroom.  But Magnus just got out of a relationship and Alec never had good luck with men he slept with immediately so he used all the willpower he had to pull away.  “Magnus, we need to slow down,” he mumbled, even as he gripped Magnus’ shirt to make sure he didn’t move too far. 

Not seeming interested in the ‘slow down’ plan, Magnus kissed down Alec’s neck, tongue lapping at the skin pulled tight over tendon and muscle.  Alec shivered in Magnus’ arms and struggled to remember why slowing down was a good idea. “Magnus, we can’t. Not yet.” 

Finally, Magnus pulled away, looking equal parts heartbroken and annoyed.  “Why? Am I not good enough for you?” Alec’s heart hurt at that but not for the reason Magnus wanted it to.  Alec had been around in enough of Magnus’ drunken tirades to know he lashed out when he was upset or confused.  Alec honestly hoped this was just another one of those situations and Magnus didn’t actually think he wasn’t good enough for him.

If anything, it was the other way around.  As far as Alec was concerned, Magnus was amazing and he himself could never compare.

“That isn’t it, Magnus.  But you just got out of a relationship and I have issues when it comes to jumping into bed immediately.  I just, I don’t want this to be something we regret.”

“You will never be something I regret, Alexander,” Magnus said, eyes softening.  “Even if you left me tonight and never came back, I will not regret the time I spent with you.  The same can not be said for many of my other lovers in the past.” He leaned in, kissing Alec again but there was no urgency now.  Just a warmth spreading through Alec’s whole body starting at his heart which seemed desperate to beat out of his chest to get to Magnus.  

Alec wondered how many there were, how they had managed to break this beautiful man.  He wondered what Magnus suffered to make him so willing to just let Alec walk away and accept that as his lot in life.  Wrapping an arm around Magnus’ waist, Alec pulled him into his lap, continuing the kiss. Magnus came willingly, wrapping his own arms around Alec and practically melting into the embrace.  Now that he thought about it, Alec never saw the woman Magnus had been with hug him or touch him in any manner. It was all Magnus initiating. Not that he’d sat there and watched them too much.  That would have been creepy, for one, and terrible for his heart, for two.

As his wings wrapped around him, Magnus pulled back to look at him, awe written on his features.  “Will you go to bed with me, Alexander?” he asked softly, though there was a confidence in the words as if he didn’t expect Alec to decline.  The hardness straining in his pants probably let Magnus know just how much Alec wanted him.

But while Alec couldn’t imagine wanting anyone more than he wanted Magnus, he also didn’t want to ruin this, even though it would be so easy to do so.  Either by rushing into something they weren’t actually ready for, or by withholding physical affection from him when it was clear how much they both needed that contact between the two of them.  “Yes, Magnus,” he smiled. “But not for sex. You need to sleep and I don’t want to be away from you.”

Magnus’ face fell and Alec leaned in to kiss his lips, hoping to reassure him that he did indeed want him, just not yet.  “Someday, yes. Someday soon. But not tonight, okay? I want it to be special and not because we can finally touch each other like we’ve both wanted for so long.”  The fact that Magnus wanted him still amazed him and Alec hoped he wouldn’t do anything to drive the beautiful man away from him. “You don’t even know my last name.  Don’t you think there are some things we need to know about each other first before we advance the relationship any further?”

_ Please accept that Magnus _ , he pleaded silently, afraid Magnus would push him away.  And as tears formed in Magnus’ eyes, Alec panicked that he’d done something Magnus didn’t want.  Maybe he assumed that Magnus wanted sex. Or maybe Magnus was taking this as rejection even as Alec tried to reassure him.  Reaching up and brushing away the tears, Alec waited for Magnus to speak, not wanting to continue explaining and dig himself even further into a hole.

“You just want to sleep next to me?  You don’t want anything else?” The fact that he was so shocked broke Alec’s heart.  He was going to ask but instead, Magnus continued. “Even Camille would only come to bed for sex and then would go back to her own house.  I always assumed that was the way it was. No one ever wanted to stay the night and when I went home with someone else, I left as well once we were done.  You really are an angel, aren’t you, Alexander? I’ve never met anyone quite like you.”

“Just because you’ve never been with decent people doesn’t mean that you aren’t deserving of someone who loves you the way you were meant to be loved.  Magnus, I never want to hurt you, so I hope you can understand why I want us to go slow.” 

Magnus didn’t say anything, just slid off Alec’s lap to stand.  For a moment, Alec’s heart broke, thinking Magnus didn’t want this.  Instead, he took Alec’s hand and pulled him up as well. “Let’s sleep, darling.”  Letting out a sigh of relief, Alec followed Magnus to the bedroom, careful to keep his wings tucked tight against his back for fear of knocking something off the wall.  Now that Magnus had fully decorated his loft, Alec sometimes felt out of place in the beautiful atmosphere he’d created. Of course, he expected nothing less from a man as fashionable as Magnus.  His home would obviously be as immaculately put together as Magnus himself was. 

In the bedroom, Alec hung back.  He’d imagined sleeping here a number of times, pictured what it would be like to fall asleep in that plush bed, wrapped in Magnus’ strong arms.  It was a thought Alec fell asleep to a number of times, giving him some of the best dreams he’d had in a number of years. But now he was here and Alec felt awkward, waiting for some direction so as to not cross some unknown line.  “Alexander, are you going to join me or are you just going to stand there and stare all night?” He smiled at Magnus’ teasing and stepped closer. “I appreciate your desire to look out for me but I think I would rather you just hold me close rather than stand guard.”

Buoyed by Magnus’ humor - something Alec knew existed but hardly got to see much of - he pulled the other man into his arms.  “I’ve wanted to keep you safe since the first time I saw you,” Alec admitted. “But, I think you would be safer if I could sleep holding you rather than just watching, so I had no intention of standing there all night.”  Alec had wanted to do this for far too long to let nerves get in his way now. Besides, standing there all night would be dreadfully boring.

Magnus pulled off his shirt and Alec’s mouth went dry.  He tried to find the words to say something,  _ anything _ , but all he could do was stare.  “Cat got your tongue, Alexander?” Magnus asked, unbuttoning his pants and letting them slip off as well.  Seeing the man he’d been in love with for months standing there with nothing but his black silk boxers, left Alec without a coherent thought in his head.  “I’m not sure whether to be flattered or insulted, darling. Please, say something.”

Swallowing heavily, Alec stepped up to Magnus, took his face in his hands and kissed him.  “You look gorgeous and you are testing all of my self-control when you look like that. How are you even real?”  Surely Magnus’ body was carved by a master artisan, right? Because nothing that beautiful could ever be natural.  

“Okay, now I’m flattered,” Magnus laughed, carefree and light in a way Alec had never seen from him before.  “And if I don’t want you to hold back? If I hope you lose all self-control and ravish me right here?” His eyes were dark, even in the dim light of the room and Alec was suddenly very aware of how close the two of them really were.  He stepped back, trying to put just a little space between them in the hopes that would help him clear his head.

It was a tempting offer but Alec shook his head, “I still wouldn’t.  I meant it, Magnus. I want to do this right and not just fall into bed with you immediately.”  Wincing at his choice of words and the fact that they were about to get into bed, he shook his head, “I meant sex.  I’m not having sex with you until we are both comfortable with this relationship.”

Magnus looked like he was about to argue but Alec shook his head.  “I like you, Magnus. All of you. So let’s go to bed and you can try to tempt me again in the morning.”

Thankfully, this time Magnus didn’t argue and climbed into the bed.  Alec needed deep breaths to calm his body’s reaction to seeing Magnus but he could only do so much.  The man was gorgeous and the small bit of fabric he wore was more tantalizing than almost anything else he could have worn.  Alec quickly stripped out of his jeans and socks, leaving his shirt on if only because it was difficult to get it off with the wings.  

“Modest?” Magnus asked with a raised brow.  “I can assure you that I already like what I see.  You don’t need to hide it.”

“It’s just hard to get the shirt off with those.  Next time I sleep over, I’ll walk and then you can have me shirtless.”  Next time. Alec couldn’t wait. Because that would mean this actually was happening and this wasn’t simply the most amazing dream he’d ever had.  

“So they come and go?”  

“When I want them, they stick around for eight hours,” Alec explained, getting into bed and laying on his stomach so his wings weren’t cramped.  “They aren’t the most comfortable thing in the world to sleep with but I’ve gotten used to them by now.” And if the trade-off for being able to fly wherever he wanted to go was sleeping on his stomach every night, Alec was more than okay with that.

Magnus reached over to turn off the lights and took Alec’s hand in his in the dark.  “You’ll still be here in the morning, right?” With all his bravado stripped off, Magnus sounded like the vulnerable broken man he’d been when Alec first met him.  

He closed the distance between them and kissed Magnus good night.  “I promise I will still be here Magnus. Go to sleep.”

Alec closed his eyes and drifted off as well.


	6. Confessions

The first thing Alec noticed the next morning was that this bed was much too comfortable to be his own.  The mattress seemed to hug his body and the blanket must have been made of clouds; so light and soft, yet warm and comforting.  How he would go back to sleeping in his own bed, Alec didn’t know.

The second thing was that there was someone very warm and solid sleeping on him, and he looked down to see Magnus’ head pillowed on his chest.  The night before had actually happened and now, here he was in bed with the man he’d loved for so long. Alec didn’t know how he got so lucky but he sent a silent thank you to his grandfather for the inheritance that led him to Magnus.  

“It is far too early for you to be thinking that hard,” Magnus mumbled against his chest and Alec laughed, pulling him closer.  

With a glance at the clock, he rolled his eyes, “It’s almost ten in the morning.  It isn’t early by anyone’s standards except your own. You are lucky I don’t have a job to go to or you would be in a lot of trouble for keeping me here.”

“Keeping you here?” Magnus scoffed, looking up at Alec in dismay.  “You were free to go anytime you wanted.”

“With you looking like that?  I stood no chance. If you walked around shirtless all the time, I would be your willing prisoner and there would nothing either of us could do about it.”  Alec needed to frame Magnus, he was a work of art and deserved to be appreciated forever. If given the chance, Alec would do just that, for as long as he lived.  

Of course, they really didn’t know anything about each other, but that didn’t stop Alec from fantasizing about a long, happy future together.  Magnus, on the other hand, seemed to have other fantasies in mind, if the hardness pressing against Alec’s hip was any indication. “Then I fear I have the advantage.  Because while I have bewitched you with my body, yours is still half covered. And now that those lovely wings have unfortunately vanished, I think it is only fair I get to see you, too.  I suspect you will then own me the way I own you.”

Alec raised a brow, trying not to laugh.  “You don’t  _ own _ me.  You have me as a prisoner.  Big difference.”

“Semantics.  Now, shirt off.”  Magnus grabbed the edge of Alec’s shirt and tugged it up, attempting to expose his chest.  

Sighing heavily, Alec sat up just enough to pull it off and toss it on the floor.  “There. Happy now?”

There was no doubt in his mind that Magnus was damn near ecstatic at this turn of events and Alec smiled at him. “You’re even more gorgeous than I imagined,” he muttered, his eyes trailing over Alec’s skin so readily that he could almost feel it. “And trust me when I say I imagined it a lot.”  Finally, Magnus reaches out to drag his fingers down the path his eyes have taken and Alec sucks in a quick breath at the gentle touch. 

Alec’s hand darts out and catches Magnus’ lacing their fingers together. “You imagined me without a shirt on?” he teased. “And if I said I did the same thing for you?”  

“Then I would wonder why we are sticking to this ridiculous rule of yours that we aren’t having sex right away. Because with both of us here and willing, I’m finding myself out of reasons to wait.”  The fingers of his other hand moved to Alec’s hip, tugging so Alec rolled until they were facing one another. It dawned on Alec that while Magnus seemed intent on teasing him to within an inch of his life, he wasn’t actually pressuring him in any way. Which he appreciated because any attack on his already flimsy excuses and he would have Magnus flat on his back before the other could even say  _ Alexander.   _

He was about to suggest putting on some clothes and going to get some breakfast when Magnus’ phone rang. Gone was the playful, flirtatious attitude, replaced with tension and fear as he answered the phone. “Yes,” he growled, looking at Alec with trepidation. “Yeah, I can be there. No, I won’t let you down this time. I give you my word, Fa...”  Magnus cut himself off, whatever name was about to fall from his lips hidden from Alec. He gave a quick nod and turned off the phone. “Sorry, darling, but change of plans. I have to go to work and you need to take that beautiful chest somewhere else.” If he was trying to be as playful as he’d been before, he missed it wide by a mile. 

Alec stared at him, a thousand questions burning to be asked but he simply nodded and stood. It was obviously part of his life Magnus wasn’t willing to share but Alec wanted to know all the same. “Can I borrow a shirt?  That one is good for flying but I don’t want to walk home with my back exposed like that.”

Magnus grinned and dug through one of his drawers until he found what he was looking for and tossed it over. Alec pulled on the seemingly plain black t-shirt, only groaning when he pulled it down in front. Blue, purple and pink letters spelled out  _ I can’t even think straight _ .  “I’m assuming rainbow would be more appropriate for you, darling, but I suppose this will have to work for now.”  Magnus smirked and went back to dressing, spending an inordinate amount of time picking out his clothes. “If you wouldn’t mind seeing yourself out, this is going to take a while and you don’t need to be subjected to my morning routine just yet.”  A shadow passed over Magnus’ eyes and he stepped closer, pressing a kiss to Alec’s lips. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, so keep checking, okay? And maybe leave your number? Then I can call when I get back if I haven’t seen you.” 

Not that there was any chance of Alec not coming by each and every night to check, to see if Magnus was there.  He hated when Magnus disappeared but at least this time he has some warning. Though, he worried what kind of injuries he would return with this time.  He hated seeing Magnus so broken and bruised since it usually led to him binging on alcohol and almost dying in return. “Are you going somewhere fun?” he asked, aiming to lighten the mood.

But Magnus just shrugged, “I suppose I will find out when I get there.  Be careful getting home, Alexander, and I will see you soon.” 

Understanding the dismissal for what it was, Alec finished putting on his socks and shoes and made his way out to the living room.  He found a scrap piece of paper and pen and wrote out his number along with his name. Leaving it someplace Magnus was bound to find it, Alec slipped out the front door and made his way through the streets of New York, back to his own loft.  

So much had happened in the last few hours, from the bombshell revelation that Magnus wanted him as much as Alec wanted Magnus, to the indescribable feeling of sleeping next to Magnus’ strong body all night, to the unusual and unsettling phone call that left Magnus feeling distant and off.  His stomach sunk at the idea of Magnus having to go do something dangerous, something bound to leave him injured and miserable. While Alec briefly toyed with the idea of following him, he knew he had to trust that Magnus knew what he was doing and would return to him soon enough. 

Relationships took effort, and Alec was willing to put in whatever effort was necessary to make sure Magnus knew he was loved and appreciated for as long as Alec walked this earth (and flew its skies.)

The first couple days, Alec wasn’t surprised to go past Magnus’ loft and see it dark.  Magnus usually disappeared for three to four days at a time, so Alec hadn’t expected him back.  He only hoped that this time would be a shorter trip. When four days became seven, and seven became ten, Alec started to worry.  He couldn’t go there during the day - Magnus’ doorman didn’t know him well enough just to let him up, and Alec couldn’t risk flying in broad daylight - so he assumed Magnus was still away, trusting his possible-lover to call when he returned.  

To his horror, Alec didn’t hear from Magnus for almost two weeks.  After twelve days of silence and the fear that something catastrophic happened, Alec flew to Magnus’ loft the moment he felt it was dark enough for him to do it safely.  Expecting the place to be dark, Alec frowned when he saw Magnus at home, curled up with a book and a glass of wine. The bruise around his eye was faded enough to have happened several days before, which wouldn’t have been concerning if not for the fact that Alec expected Magnus would have called him.  

He knocked on the sliding door when he found it locked and Magnus sighed heavily, making his way over to Alec as if each step was a struggle he was having with himself.  “Alexander,” he said, no hint of the warmness or teasing from the night they spent together. “Or should I say Mr. Lightwood. Here to spy on me some more?”

Alec blinked, at the accusation, at the use of his last name, at the fact that Magnus wasn’t letting him in.  Never once had Magnus sent him away but it looked like that was about to happen. “Spy on you? When have I ever spied on you?” he asked since it seemed like the easiest place to start.  “What happened, Magnus? Can we at least talk before you give me the cold shoulder?” Because he thought Magnus loved him but if he could turn it off this easily, maybe it was all just a game to the other man.

Instead of inviting him in, Magnus stepped out onto the balcony, closing the door behind him.  “Fine, talk. Tell me why you didn’t tell me what your last name was. Tell me why you just happened to be the one to find me, giving you unfettered access to my loft when I was indisposed.  Find anything interesting while you rummaged through my things? I’m sure your parents enjoyed anything you reported back to them. Because you are Maryse and Robert’s son, aren’t you?”

As if ice water just fell from the sky, Alec froze, hearing his parents’ names.  “Not anymore. They kicked me out seven years ago. Haven’t heard anything about them since”  Alec hated talking about his parents. He hated thinking about his parents. And if they cost him a relationship with the person he wanted most in the world, nothing could stop him from changing his last name forever.  The Lightwood name didn’t deserve him. “If you judge me by my parents, then you are wrong. Because they turned their backs on me a long time ago. My siblings don’t reach out to me. My grandfather is dead. So it is just me.  I am a family of one and I have no interest in spying on you for any reason.”

He wondered what Magnus was hiding that he would be so afraid of Alec spying on him.  “Magnus, I’m a writer. That’s all I do. I write gay romance adventure stories with demon fighting and magic and men falling in love with each other.  The only reason you could accuse me of using you is that I have poured the feelings I have for you into my novel.” Which was true. His main character was definitely in love with the man he loosely based on Magnus.  Just as Alec was definitely in love with Magnus himself. 

Magnus deflated in front of him, collapsing into one of the lounge chairs on the balcony.  “Oh,” was all he said, staring at the ground as if it held the secrets of the universe. Taking a chance, Alec moved closer, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around Magnus’ shoulders.

“Is that why you never called me?  You thought I was spying on you?” Alec wouldn’t put it past his parents.  Send someone in to seduce a competitor or a potential client. Alec certainly wouldn’t have been their choice, though, even if he was still speaking to them.  “If I was spying on you, do you think I would have given you my real last name?” He couldn’t keep the humor out of his voice and hoped Magnus wouldn’t be too upset with him. 

“No, I suppose not,” Magnus chuckled.  “Sorry about that. After Camille...” He shook his head, sighing heavily.  “I suppose my trust in people is a little broken.”

Unease curled in Alec’s stomach as he asked, “What does Camille have to do with all of this?”  Alec knew he wouldn’t like anything Magnus was about to say but he needed to know. He needed to hear it from him, everything Magnus wanted to tell him. 

“Let’s go inside.  I think I would feel better if we had this conversation where no one else can hear it.”  Magnus stood and returned to his loft, Alec following close behind and closing the door once he was inside.  Pouring a second glass of wine, Magnus handed it to Alec before topping off his own and sitting on the couch.  With his knees drawn up to his chest, Magnus looked so small and vulnerable, something Alec would never have associated with him before.  “I’m going to start from the beginning,” he said softly, sounding resigned already. “And when you have heard enough and are ready to leave, I will understand.”

Alec wouldn’t leave.  He didn’t think there was anything in the world that would drag him away from Magnus, but Magnus obviously thought otherwise.  “You start from the beginning and I will still be here at the end”, he promised. Magnus raised an unimpressed brow and took a sip of his drink. 

“I’m an only child.  My mother died when I was eight and my step-father followed a few days later.  My mother by her own hand, my step-father, technically by mine.” When Alec gasped, Magnus looked up at him.  “My father left her when he found out she was pregnant. My step-father married her when I was two. But, she was always hurting.  She didn’t like to look at me because I look just like him. At least, that’s what she would tell me. A mother telling a small child they don’t want to look at them.  It hurt. And eventually, the pain of everything caught up with her and she ended her life. My step-father, he blamed me for it. My father wasn’t around so he couldn’t blame him.  When he found her, something in him snapped. He got a gun. I was scared and did the first thing I could think to do. I tried to grab it away from him. I don’t know if he was surprised I fought back, or what but somehow, I managed to get it pointed away from me when it went off.  It hit him in the head. He died instantly.”

Alec wrapped his arms and wings around Magnus, holding him close.  Magnus didn’t even seem to know he had tears streaming down his face and Alec wondered how often he told this story.  Probably not much. “You know it wasn’t your fault, right? He was trying to kill a small child. He deserved what was coming to him.”  Kissing his cheek, Alec sighed, “I would never leave you because of that, Magnus.”

It took Magnus a few minutes to calm down, clutching at Alec’s shirt.  “That isn’t all, Alexander. That is barely anything compared to the rest of it.”  Eventually, Magnus took a deep breath and continued, telling a story of how his father returned for him, saying a child who could kill a grown man was one he was proud to claim as his son.  A cruel, cold childhood filled physical and mental abuse. Each thing Magnus told him making Alec hurt more and more for the beautiful man he loved. “He made me into a monster, a terrible ugly thing that no one could love.”

“There is nothing ugly about you, Magnus.  You are not your father. You are not who he wanted you to be.”  Alec pleaded with every god in the heavens for Magnus to listen to him, for Magnus to understand and accept what Alec told him.  Because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Magnus had to suffer so much. Never again would Alec complain about his parents. They were downright saint-like compared to Magnus’.

“I am what he made me, though.  I work for him. He’s the reason I travel so much.”  

A horrible thought came to Alec’s mind, a realization of why Magnus was hurt all the time.  “What does he make you do?” He hoped against all hope that he was wrong. 

“My father, he runs the second biggest company in New York.  They did not get to be that big by playing fair. Considering your parents are Maryse and Robert, I assume you understand this better than most.”  Magnus’ voice was off. Cold and detached, like he was no longer speaking of his own life, but instead, of someone else’s. “And all the businesses like theirs, they need someone to do the dirty work.  Your parents have a man named Hodge. My father has me.”

Alec’s breath hitched.  He remembered Hodge. He was his father’s bodyguard, or so they told their children growing up.  Hodge had been as constant a part of their life as their parents and at the time, Alec thought nothing of it.  Robert and Maryse were important in the business world. He often saw pictures of his parents on magazines or meeting with famous politicians.  Of course, they would need bodyguards. Alec didn’t want his parents to get hurt. 

But as he grew older, he realized he never actually saw anyone threaten his parents.  Sure, people talked terribly about them and Alec silently agreed with much of what was said, but no one ever attempted outright violence.  However, every time he saw Hodge, the man had some sort of injury in the process of healing. He’d tell the kids he was fine, just a side effect of his job and they let it go.  

Now, though, Alec understood.  

The business world was cutthroat, and Alec knew it was impossible to get where his parents were at without stepping on a few toes.  Or breaking a few noses. How many people had been broken because of his parents? How many people had Hodge intimidated, beaten, killed?

And if Magnus did the same job, what was his number?

“Why?” Alec asked, trying to reconcile the image of Hodge, who looked the part, with Magnus, who looked like a fashion designer or dancer or model, not a strongman.  “Why do you keep doing it?”

“Because I know what my father is capable of.  I should. I’ve been his weapon for so many years, I know exactly what he does to people he feels have betrayed him.  If I didn’t do it, other people would. And I won’t let them have it on their conscious.” Magnus sadly resigned to his life, sighed and sat back on the chair, moving away from Alec.

“That’s why you drink,” Alec breathed, the comment more to himself than to Magnus.  “To forget what you’ve had to do.”

Magnus nodded, still looking anywhere but at Alec.  “I remember their faces, Alexander. I remember every single person I’ve had to hurt in my life.  I may not know their names but I remember their faces. The ones who cried. The ones who fought back.  My father made me into a monster and I don’t know how to be anything but anymore.”

He understood now why Magnus thought he would leave.  This was a lot and he didn’t know how to process this.  But he meant what he said. He would stay with Magnus unless the other man asked him to leave.  Taking Magnus’ hand in his own, Alec ran his thumb gently over the knuckles. “If you could do anything, what would you do?  For a living, that is?” Probably not the right thing to say, or anything close to what Magnus was expecting, but Alec was curious.  

Magnus laughed, squeezing Alec’s hand and shaking his head.  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

At this point, finding out the man he loved was basically a hitman for all intents and purposes, Alec didn’t think anything else could surprise him.  What he wanted to know was who Magnus wanted to be, not who he thought he was at this moment. “Try me.”  If he didn’t believe Magnus, they would deal with that later.  But he doubted that would be the case. 

“Every time I think about running away, starting a new life somewhere he can’t find me, I think about settling someplace quiet and opening a shelter.  Whether for animals or runaway kids, I’m not sure. But I want to help. I’m tired of hurting people all the time.” Magnus sighed and looked down at his hands, “Even if most of them are as awful as I am, I don’t want to be the cause of other people’s pain anymore.”

That had not been what Alec expected, and yet, he could see it.  Magnus, without the bruises and cuts, sober and healthy. Magnus running a shelter for kids like they both once were, alone and afraid in the world.  Or Magnus surrounded by cats, fostering dozens of them and finding them loving homes. Alec could see it clearly and wished he could give that to Magnus more than anything else.  He shouldn’t give up on what he wanted because his father was an asshole. Alec knew all about that. He got away from his own dad - not by choice of course - and if that was what Magnus wanted, Alec would help him get away too.

They talked through the night about what Magnus wanted, what Alec wanted, and what they wanted together.  They talked about how to make that happen. Slowly, a plan started to come together between them. When they fell into bed that night, emotionally exhausted but feeling in a better place than before, the two shared a couple kisses before falling asleep.  

Alec knew the road ahead of them would not be easy.  They were taking huge risks, ones that could end up killing them both if they weren’t careful.  But Alec decided that Magnus was worth the risk, and for him, he would do anything.


	7. Healing

Magnus explained to him that his father could call at any time and he would be expected to drop everything and go do his job.  If he didn’t, or if he talked back or questioned or anything that undermined Asmodeus’ authority, his father would take things into his own hands.  “I rarely get hurt on the job,” Magnus admitted in a broken voice. “I’m too good at what I do. But when it comes to my father, I have no defense.”

Alec’s blood boiled and if he was even remotely violent, he would storm down to Bane Corp right now and tear the man to pieces.  As it was, Alec wouldn’t leave Magnus alone, afraid Asmodeus would appear the moment his back was turned. “He’s not going to do anything permanent, Alexander,” Magnus sighed, as if that would make him feel better.  “He needs me alive much more than he wants me dead. I’m the best he has and he knows it.”

Which would prove to be a problem, Alec realized.  They couldn’t buy Magnus’ way out, he was worth too much to Asmodeus’ business.  “The only way out is if he is dead or forced to let me go. That is my only chance.  Otherwise, I am trapped until I die.” The fact that he was resigned to that, as if there was no hope, broke Alec’s heart.  

“We will figure out a way, Magnus.”  Though what that was, Alec had no idea.

They talked.  They planned. They disagreed.  They compromised. There was fighting and making up, tearful kisses and passionate embraces that stopped just short of sex.  Alec wanted to. Magnus wanted to. Despite the arguments they had over how best to deal with the situation they were in, the two of them were closer than ever. 

But time was not on their side and the two tended to fall asleep before they could make it that far.  Eventually, they both decided just to wait. Until Magnus was free. Until they had time to themselves without a proverbial ax hanging over their heads.  “If he finds out about you,” Magnus sighed, “you will be dead. Or at least in serious danger.”

“Why?”  Alec couldn’t understand that.  What did he have to do with Asmodeus other than falling in love with his son?  

Magnus shrugged, “He doesn’t want me in relationships.  Says it distracts from my job. My past lovers, not one of them has stuck around once he got wind of them.  He frightened them off to the point that I don’t even know what he did because they are all too scared to talk to me.”  He sighed, fiddling with the rings on his fingers. “I know some of them moved on. Etta is happy and has children now. Imasu is traveling the world as a musician.”  Alec recognized the names as ones Magnus used to mutter when he was drunk and half-conscious. 

“What about Camille?”  He hated to bring her up.  She was a sore spot that caused Magnus to shut down every time she was mentioned but she stuck around longer than most.  The relationship lasted for months, while the others only seemed to be a couple weeks, the way Magnus told it.

He laughed humorlessly and shook his head, “Camille was special.”  Ignoring the clenching in his heart at the words, Alec focused on Magnus, knowing that whatever happened between Camille and Magnus, Alec was the one in his bed and in his arms now.  “My father liked her. I couldn’t understand it but if he liked her then maybe I could make it work.”

Magnus sighed and shook his head, “I should have known that if he liked her, there was something wrong.  It turned out, my dad and her father had an idea to put the two of us together, a test of sorts to see if we could be trusted with people outside their companies.”

"You're father set you up?" Alec blurted out, unable to stop himself when he realized what Magnus was about to say.  Of all the horrible, evil things to do to his child. "He set you up without your knowledge, just to make sure you wouldn't spill company secrets to someone?"

Magnus nodded, a darkness in his eyes that wasn't there even a few minutes before.  "Yes. They may have even had a bet going. They all knew about it. All of them except me."

Which meant, "Camille was in on it."  It explained so much. Magnus honestly felt something for her and here she was, playing with him like a toy and he didn't even know it.  "I hate her. I hated her since the moment I saw her walk in your loft." The moment the words were out, Alec was furious with himself. He never told Magnus he came by during his relationship with Camille, not wanting to admit that he'd been unable to stay away, that he was so weak for the other man. 

"You saw us?" Magnus asked, tone off as he stared at Alec with a questioning gaze.  "Very often?"

"Maybe three times?" Alec admitted, figuring the truth was the only thing he could say that would make this at all better.  “The first time, I left right after I realized you were on a date. It hurt but that was my fault and I wasn't going to say something, ever.  Because you weren't mine and I had no claim to you."

"Darling, I've been yours for so long, you just needed to open your eyes to see it."

Alec smiled brightly, leaning in to kiss him.  "The second time was the next night. I think your father had pushed you into a wall out on the street that day.  I was driving by and saw it. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I stayed longer that night because you kept rubbing your head and I just wanted to see her ask you about it, make any effort to see if you were okay.  She never did and that was the night I decided I hated her."

"I remember that night.  My head hurt and I just wanted her to ask me about it. One question.  That was all. Yet, all she could talk about was her shopping trip with her best friend, some guy I'd never met.  Turned out she was sleeping with him but that wasn't the point. The point was, she kept rambling, I felt terrible, and all I wanted was to see you.  I knew you would ask me about it. You would make sure I was okay, even if I couldn't tell you exactly what happened. It is all you have ever done for me.  Made sure I was cared for." Magnus sighed, shaking his head as he let out a long, shaky breath. "No one has ever done that for me before," he admitted. "You really were my angel, even if you aren't technically from heaven."

"The Hamptons are close to heaven," Alec teased and Magnus laughed in return.  

"Magnus?" Alec asked, an idea coming to him as they spoke.  "When we get you free from your father, will you move in with me?  I have a huge beach house in the Hamptons. No one lives there now but it belongs to me.  Part of my inheritance from my grandfather. Along with the wings and..." Alec trailed off as an idea struck him.  It was complicated, dangerous, and would be difficult to pull off. But, if they did... "I know how we can take down your father.  Do you have proof of everything you've had to do for him through the years? And some proof of any of his other illegal dealings?"

Magnus grinned, "Yes, I do.  What are you thinking?"

So, Alec explained, well into the night and when his wings disappeared after the eight hours were up, neither of them even noticed.  When they finalized the plan, Alec hoped it was as brilliant as he thought that it was. If it worked, it would take down Asmodeus, it would ruin Robert Lightwood, and it would, in theory, put his sister in charge of both businesses.  To Alec's surprise, Magnus actually knew Isabelle, having met her at various business functions around the city. "She's the most fashionable woman I've ever met, Alexander. How the two of you are related, I will never know," he'd laughed, the sound warming Alec's heart every time he heard it.

The first step, some well-worded articles, with corroborating evidence, delivered to the New York Times and the Washington Post.  Alec had written enough to know what needed to be said and how in order to get it published. The articles documented the ill-doings of both Bane Corp and Lightwood Industries, as well as several other organizations around the city.  They included receipts for payments made to politicians and police, pictures of the damage done by Magnus and Hodge, and the other men like them. 

The day the articles were published, Alec and Magnus had flown to the Hamptons.  Never before had Alec tried to carry someone while flying and it took a few tries but eventually, he got them off the ground.  "My hero," Magnus quipped, holding on like a damsel in an old film. "Saving little ol' me."

"Shut up, Magnus."  Alec was laughing but that only served to make it more difficult.  He loved the feeling of flying with Magnus, though. It was something he wanted to do forever, but after the years, there was almost nothing left in the little pot.  So much of the cream used to come see Magnus, to check on Magnus. 

To fall in love with Magnus.

While Alec would be sad when it disappeared entirely, he would never regret the way he used it.  Not when it brought him to the love of his life.

Laying out on the beach, knowing that all hell was breaking loose for both of their families, Alec never felt the peace he did with Magnus there beside him.  They'd joked and laughed the whole flight to the house, and if Alec ever had a doubt that Magnus was the man for him, it dissipated when he wasn't frightened flying with him, but apparently turned on by what his wings were capable of.  

Which made him a little worried as well.  "Will you still love me when I don't have the wings anymore?"  He'd explained the inheritance, how the wings appeared and how in the not-so-distant future, he wouldn't be able to fly anymore.  He would be back to just being a man, as ordinary and mundane as they came. 

"Darling, I may have fallen in love with your body, wings included, but it your mind and heart that keeps me.  Besides, you may no longer look like my guardian angel, but you always will be, wings or not." Magnus smiled at him, warm and open.  Alec thought back to that broken man, the one he'd found about to topple to his death only a couple years before and nearly cried. Magnus had come so far.  They'd both come so far. And now, they were healing, together.

He shifted over, catching Magnus’ lips.  “I love you too, Magnus.” Being able to say those words was the most exciting thing to him.  “My father once told me no one would ever love a disgrace like me. The night he kicked me out.  The worst night of my life.” He hated Robert, hated everything he stood for. Which made what they were doing even more fulfilling.

“Do you want to check the news?” Magnus asked, eyes lighting with the possibility that his father would probably be in jail by the end of the night.  Robert too.

They’d covered every base.  A meeting with a Detective Luke Garroway and a prosecutor made sure that neither of them would be charged with anything.  They would both testify if necessary, but mostly they wanted to be left out of it entirely.

Alec shook his head.  “We can check it in the morning.  I have a better idea,” he grinned, pushing himself up off the sand and offering a hand to Magnus.  “We finally have a night to ourselves.”

It didn’t take long for Magnus to catch on to exactly what Alec was suggesting.  He grinned and practically dragged Alec back into the house. Pausing just inside the door, Magnus looked back at him.  “I don’t know where we are going.”

Thankful for the fact that he had a room in the home, even though he hadn’t visited in years, Alec turned them down the hall.  When he’d come here after finding Magnus and Camille together, he’d nearly cried when he found the room he used to stay in completely the way he’d left it.  Andrew never let him down in his entire life and it struck Alec then how much he missed his grandfather. But now, here with Magnus, the last thing he wanted was to be thinking about was the man who’d basically raised him.  

The home was massive and Alec room was at the end of the hall.  Halfway there, Magnus lost his patience and pushed Alec against the wall kissing him while slotting one of his legs between Alec’s.  Alec gasped at the sensation, rutting lightly against Magnus’ leg. “Magnus, I don’t want you to fuck me here in the hallway.” The first time they were going to have sex would not be in the hallway against the wall. 

That was something to remember for later though.

Those words seemed to spur Magnus into action because while he stayed close, he also maneuvered them both into the room, kicking the door closed, despite the fact that they were the only two in the home.  Clothes were discarded, lips latching onto any newly exposed expanse of skin, and soon, the two of them tangled together in bed. “I need you, Alexander.” Magnus’ voice was so broken and full of desire Alec thought he might come right then and there.

“I need you too, Magnus.  So much. I’m sorry I made us wait for so long.”

Magnus covered his lips with one of his fingers, “Shh, darling.  You are worth any amount of waiting. But if I don’t get to feel you soon, I may go mad.”  

“So needy,” Alec laughed.  Not that he was much better.  They kissed, Magnus on top of Alec and rolling his hips so that his laughter died in his mouth.  “I want to ride you,” Alec whimpered breathlessly. 

With darkened eyes, Magnus nodded.  “Do you have...?”

“Yes.”  Practically falling off the bed in an effort to get to his pants, where he’d stashed the lube and condom.  Also, he pulled out the jar of his wing cream from his jacket, smirking when Magnus raised a brow. “I want you to see this,” he explained.  Settling over Magnus’ thighs, he handed the lube and condom to Magnus before opening his own cream, eyes never leaving Magnus’. Alec took a tiny dollop of the cream and reached behind himself.  Rubbing the cream in, he waited a moment, watching Magnus’ reaction instead of his own. He’d done this so many times it just didn’t interest him at all. But Magnus had never once seen the wings come into existence, hardly even saw when they vanished, since they were either asleep or busy when it happened.

Alec saw the awe spread across his lover’s face.  The wings spread out behind him, stretching as they unfurled and then settled against his back.  “Alexander,” he breathed, awestruck. Reaching out and running his hand through Alec’s feathers, causing him to gasp.  Every time Magnus touched them, it was like a shot to his libido.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Magnus asked, continuing the run his fingers through his feathers, unaware of what it was doing to Alec.  Or maybe he was aware, Alec realized when Magnus smirked up at him as Alec rolled his hips in search of friction. 

He nodded, "I know how beautiful you think I am."  Which wasn't the same thing but it was the most Alec could say.  He didn't understand what it Magnus saw in him but he also wouldn't question it because at the end of the day, he got to have that beautiful man as his own and that was worth everything to him.  

"Now, are you going to keep talking or are we going to do this?"  He nodded at the lube currently in Magnus' hand. "I'll be happy to do that for you if you'd rather keep playing with my wings."

Magnus' eyes darkened and he shook his head instantly.  "Not on your life, Alexander. I've been wanting to do this for so long." Alec watched in anticipation as Magnus slowly poured some lube onto his fingers and sat up so Alec was in his lap.  "Tell me if I do anything you want me not to."

"Shut up and finger me already," Alec growled, too turned on to be embarrassed by his own need.  "Please, Magnus. I need this. I need you."

"You have me, darling."

A cold finger pressed against his hole and Alec moaned at the intrusion, feeling it slip easily inside.  He pressed back against it, even as he bent forward to mouth at Magnus' neck. It wasn't the ideal position for this but with his wings, lying back was difficult, and if he was on hands and knees, he was just as likely to smack Magnus with his wings as he was to keep them under control.

Slowly, Magnus worked him open, adding a second finger and then a third, scissoring them lightly.  And when they agreed he was ready, Alec gently pushed Magnus down onto the mattress and smiled down at him.  Magnus' beauty never failed to take his breath away and now, in the heat of the moment while the two of them were together in bed, Alec didn't know if he'd ever seen anyone more beautiful.

Alec guided Magnus' length to his entrance and lowered himself down, taking his time to savor inch after inch of the delicious burn.  Magnus' eyes were dark and hooded and Alec knew he probably looked about the same. Even though they'd just started, it already felt better than sex ever had with another lover.  On top or bottom. 

Seating himself on Magnus' hips, Alec took several deep breaths to relax around his lover's girth.  He felt almost unbearably full, but knowing that it was Magnus made any pain worthwhile. Magnus' hips twitched slightly, obviously aching to move but Alec shook his head and just relished the connection between them.  There was nothing more intimate than this moment and he locked his eyes on Magnus' to make sure his lover knew just how much this meant to him. 

"Alexander," Magnus sighed and Alec took that as his cue.  Lifting himself up, he slammed back down, the friction drawing a long moan from him and a string of curses from Magnus.  With one hand braced on Magnus' chest and the other tightly gripping Magnus' hand, he set a torturous pace, one that was bringing them both closer to their goal without ever tipping them over the precipice.  "My god, look at you." Magnus' eyes were wide and disbelieving and Alec couldn't imagine what he was thinking. 

Looking behind himself, Alec saw his wings spread out, taking up a good portion of the room.  With every thrust Magnus made up into his body, the wings trembled, catching the light and seeming almost glow in the dimness of the bedroom.  For all the times his wings had appeared, Alec had never seen what they would do in the height of his pleasure. At that moment, he felt sure that he actually looked the part of an angel, glowing and ecstatic.  

“I love you.  I love you, Magnus.”  The words fell unbidden, feeling like the truest statement he’d ever spoken.  Even if the plan failed, even if Asmodeus or Robert or someone else tracked them down, it would have all be worth it for this moment.  This small bit of heaven in the hell that had been their lives until they met. 

Words were lost as the two made love, Alec’s body still welcoming Magnus into it, each movement punctuated with cries of passion against kiss-swollen lips.  And when Magnus’ hand wrapped around him, Alec’s back arched and he came with a cry of Magnus name, wings stretching to their limit and hitting the wall on either side.  

Collapsing against Magnus’ body, Alec struggled to regain his breath, even as Magnus continued to chase his release.  Pulsing deep inside him, Magnus came with Alec’s name on his lips and his heart in his hands. 

They cleaned one another and then curled back up in bed, willing themselves to sleep for a few hours before facing the chaos their revelations brought about.  For a moment, the two of them knew peace. 

When they woke, Magnus made them dinner while Alec read through the news of the day.  As expected, their information led nearly every major broadcast and was the headline on every website.  Two of the most powerful companies in New York, caught in a scandal that involved conspiracy, hitmen, and murder.  Both Asmodeus and Robert had been taken into custody, as had Hodge and another man from Lightwood, Raj. Several men from Bane Inc went down as well, Magnus laughing as each of their names was read.  “They will be so upset when they found out we cut a deal. Every one of them wanted me out of the way so they could move up in the company. Only the fact that I was  _ his  _ son kept me safe.  And now, they are going to prison and I get to live my life.”

Alec had tears when he read that his mother had been relieved of her position on the board and by unanimous vote, Isabelle Lightwood was voted in as CEO.  It was said the mysterious owner of the company, who never set foot in the building and never made any contact with them, had actually reached out to make sure they elected Izzy to the position.  “I can’t believe they listened to me. I didn’t think they’d believe me when I said I owned the company.”

“Well, you do,” Magnus shrugged.  “Which I still can’t believe.”

Alec hardly thought about everything he received from his grandfather on his death.  Millions in assets, this house that he loved, and a company he couldn’t care less about.  And now, with Robert out of the way, Alec had every intention of signing the entire corporation over to his sister.  It would do much better under her anyway. 

“So,” he smiled, setting down his tablet and looking at Magnus as he dished up their dinner.  “Now you are out of a job, I’m going to be down one company, and our fathers are in jail. What next?”

Magnus laughed.  “The cliche would be to say we’re going to live happily ever after.  Which, maybe we will. But I don’t want to think that far ahead right now.  How about we have dinner and then watch the stars from the beach? The future can wait until tomorrow.”

“Sounds perfect.”


	8. Forever More

“Magnus!  Chairman Meow is on the counter again!”  Alec picked up the cat who gave an indignant yowl as he was set on the floor.  No matter how many cats they brought in to the house, Chairman would always be Magnus’ baby and the most spoiled cat to ever walk the face of the earth.  

He heard the laugh that caused his heart to flutter every time and strong arms wrapped around his waist, “He loves you and wants to be close.  Why can’t you let Chairman love you, Alexander?”

“Because then I have to deal with all the rest of them wanting love, as you call it when what they really want is for me to give them some of our dinner.”  He gestured towards the chicken he was cutting up to stir fry and then the collection of cats that sat in the kitchen, staring at him hopefully.

When Magnus said he wanted to start a shelter for people or cats, Alec didn’t believe him entirely.  He thought it really was something Magnus wanted, but he also assumed that he would eventually fall back on something else.  But, after all these years, Alec knew better than to underestimate Magnus Bane. Their home was overrun with cats but Magnus managed it effortlessly.  Every cat that made it to their house was given a pun-tastic name (as Magnus liked to say), a warm place to sleep, and plenty of food to eat. Somehow, Magnus found homes for almost all of them, kissing them goodbye and sending them off to their forever families.  

Magnus once thought Alec was an angel, but Alec _knew_ Magnus was.

His lover stealing a piece of bell pepper from the bowl brought him back to the present.  “They enjoy your cooking as much as I do. You can’t fault them for that,” Magnus grinned.  In the last five years, since becoming free from his father’s clutches and allowed to live the life he wanted, Alec saw Magnus smile more and more every day.  There was still alcohol, but it was a glass of wine at dinner, or a martini while they sat on the beach and looked at the stars, something that became a thing for them both.  

“Your cats get plenty of my food, Magnus.  But tonight, we need all of it.” To say he was nervous was an understatement but Magnus’ comforting presence helped soothe his nerves.  “What if I didn’t make enough? Or what if they don’t like it?”

“Alexander, take a deep breath for me,” Magnus smiled, taking the knife from Alec’s hand and turning him to face him.  “It’s going to be fine. They love you. You love them. We are in our home, so we can always kick them out if you get upset.”

“We’re not kicking them out,” Alec laughed.  “I’m nervous but I’m not mean. It’s a long drive out here from the city.  They can stay the night and then leave first thing in the morning without your famous Belgian waffles.  That will teach them.”

Sharing a smile, Alec wondered if his grandfather could have imagined everything that would happen to him when he left everything he had to Alec.  Because of Andrew, Alec had a good life, a wonderful lover, a beautiful home. Everything Robert once told him he could never have because of who and what he was.  Someday, Alec hoped there really was a heaven so he could thank his grandfather for everything he did, even after his death.

“I love you,” Alec sighed, horrified to feel his eyes watering as he looked at the man he loved.  There was no doubt how much they loved each other, but crying over it wasn’t something they normally did.  He blinked and hoped Magnus didn’t notice.

He did, though, and he pulled Alec in for a gentle kiss.  “And I love you, you sap. Go do something with your hair and I will finish up here.  They’ll be here any minute.”

Heart pounding, Alec made his way through the home, dodging cats as he entered their bedroom, the only cat-free zone in the house.  Magnus hadn’t liked that rule but when they were outnumbered ten to one, it was time to make some spaces that weren’t covered in a fine layer of cat hair, no matter how hard the person who cleaned the house worked.  Alec splashed water on his face and took several deep breaths. He could do this. He was no longer the scared kid standing outside his home wishing someone would come out and tell him it had all been a horrible joke.  Now he had a man he loved, a home, a career, and a future he couldn’t have seen a decade ago.

The doorbell sent his heart racing once more and Alec straightened his clothes before leaving their room once more. He stood in the hall, staring at the front door as he attempted to find the strength to open it.   “Are you going to get that, Alexander, or are we going to leave them outside all night? Open it. I want to meet them.” Magnus stared at him until he finally opened the door, met with a whirlwind of activity almost immediately.

“Alec!” a short, dark-haired girl shrieked, launching herself into his arms.  “Oh my god, Alec!” She had tears in her eyes and stepped back to look at him.  “You’re...you’re a man now. We’ve missed so much.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Iz.  Please know that.” He didn’t blame his siblings for everything that happened.  If they’d stood up for him, they would have been out of the home as well. It was better this way.  Izzy had her company, Alec had his inheritance, and they were all happy.

The moment Izzy let go of him, Jace pulled Alec into a hug.  “I’m sorry, man. Really. We should have contacted you sooner, but you know Robert.”  He did. He’d heard how Robert had promised they’d never see Max again if they contacted Alec.  The only reason they even knew he was alive was because Andrew would tell them bits and pieces at family dinners.  After their grandfather died, all contact with Alec ended, until the fateful day of the articles and accusations, arrests and promotions.  Even then, they didn’t talk. Alec wanted to stay out of the spotlight, hoping to keep his role in everything secret, while Izzy was soon too busy with her promotion.  Jace had been in Europe, visiting some long lost grandmother of his and coming into his own fortune. The three kids were better off than they ever would have been with Robert’s help.

And now they were back together, finally reunited.  When the dust had settled and they were all comfortable with their new lives, Alec didn't reach out again.  He received a few messages from them through his publisher, but every time he thought about talking to them, he panicked and never responded.  Finally, Magnus contacted them and made Alec sit down and speak with them on the phone. "You are never going to do it if left to your own devices," he'd reasonably pointed out.  Alec knew it was true, even if he didn't want to admit it. "Just talk to them, see what they say."

They'd talked for hours, and then again the following week.  After two months, Magnus suggested having them up to their home, something Alec agreed to.  But now they were here and he hoped they could move forward completely.

After they'd finished hugging, Alec looked at the people behind Jace and Izzy.  "Oh, um, hello," he smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. Extending his hand, he nodded to them both, "I'm Alec, their brother. And this is my boyfriend, Magnus."

When Jace said they'd both be bringing someone, Alec didn't know what to expect.  The tiny redhead and the nerdy brunette were not what he had in mind. Magnus greeted them both with smiles and they did the same.  "I'm Clary, this is Simon. We're here with them. Obviously."

Magnus escorted everyone to the living room.  Jace and Izzy started walking around, taking in the place while Clary and Simon went directly to the window.  "When Jace said you had a place on the water, I didn't realize he meant you had a private beach. This place is amazing.  How much did it cost you?"

"Simon's an accountant, don't mind him," Jace rolled his eyes, but Alec noted the fondness in his tone.  It made him furrow his brow, looking between the two of them in confusion. "Si, this was our grandfather's house.  We used to come up here every summer. He loved Alec best so he got everything when he died."

Alec started to argue that it wasn't true but that would have been a lie.  While he knew his grandfather loved all four of them equally, he'd taken a special interest in Alec.  They were very similar and Alec figured his grandfather recognized a kindred spirit in him. And then, when he was kicked out and had nowhere else to go, Andrew stepped in where no one else did.  Andrew loved them all but he had a special place in his heart for Alec.

But Jace didn't need to point it out like that.  "He loved you guys. He also knew that Robert was taking care of you so he didn't need to leave you anything.  If it wasn't for him, I would have been living on the street. So, I think it was fair." Besides, Alec gave Izzy the company, the company Jace and Max both worked, for now, so they had plenty.  Alec only kept the house for himself.

And the cream, but they didn't need to know about that.

"Oh, I'm not saying it wasn't," Jace nodded and Alec felt something loosen in his chest.  "You needed it more than we did. Though, do you think he knew you would become rich on your own?"  

Alec's first book took off more than he thought it would and the second and third exceeded the first.  In less than three years, he was a bestselling author with a place on the New York Times list. It was everything he'd always wanted and had been told by his parents he would never have.

"I think he believed in me.  I don't know if he thought I would become this successful."  Alec glanced at a bookshelf, where his three current novels sat and smiled to himself.  "Did I tell you that I took copies of them to Robert about a year ago?"

Their father's name caught Izzy's attention as well and she turned, as anxious to hear the story as Jace was.  Magnus came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist, offering silent support while he talked about his father.  Their parents were still sore subjects for the both of them and Alec was glad to have Magnus there.

“It was right after my second book came out,” he started, resting his hands on Magnus’ that were currently on his stomach.  “He’d been in jail for two years, I was a best selling author, living in the home he thought was rightfully his with my male lover.  I couldn’t think of a better time to go visit him. And take my books.”

He didn’t know if his siblings had read his work or not.  But if they had, they knew how this was going to end. “They led me into this little room where I sat at a table when they brought him in.  Up until that point, I wondered if he knew it was me that wrote that article if the alias was enough of a giveaway.” Not wanting to be outed to the press, Alec wrote the article under the name Alexander Gideon.  “But the moment he looked me in the eyes, I knew. It was the same look he gave me the day he kicked me out. But this time, I was older and stronger and I didn’t need him anymore.”

That had been the best feeling in the world, to be able to look at Robert and know that he meant nothing to Alec anymore.  That Robert couldn’t hurt him ever again.

Magnus pressed his forehead to the back of Alec’s neck and he smiled, tightening his grip on his lover’s hands.  “They made him sit down. I had my time and he had to listen to me, whether he wanted to or not. It was all I could do not to smirk at him as he stared me down.  Instead, I slid my books across the table so he could see them.”

Emblazoned on the cover was his name in all capital letters.  ALEC LIGHTWOOD. Seeing it the first time was emotional for both him and Magnus.  “It took him a moment and then he saw it,” Alec grinned, extricating himself from Magnus’ embrace to go to the shelf to pull down the books.  On the cover, aside from his name and the title, were two men in an intimate embrace. His main characters, two men desperately in love with one another as they fought off all kinds of evil in their world, and struggling to keep their relationship afloat considering everything that came between them.  A quote from one of his favorite others graced the top of the cover.

_A Romeo and Juliet for a more modern, more queer time.  Lightwood delivers same-sex romance like very few have before him._

Normally, he wouldn’t have put the quote in such a prominent place, but considering it had his last name (his _father’s_ last name) next to ‘gay romance’, it felt like poetic justice after everything.

Robert paled at the books, pushing them back to Alec almost immediately.  “He told me to get that trash away from him,” Alec laughed, looking back at his siblings as he brought himself back to the present.  “Didn’t want to see my perversions on the cover of a book.”

It would have hurt eighteen-year-old Alec but as he neared thirty, he no longer cared.  “You should have seen his face. I smiled and said, ‘I just wanted you to see what became of your precious Lightwood name, the one you were fighting so hard to protect by kicking me out onto the street when I was still a scared kid.  Now, Lightwood is one of the premier names in LGBT novels, particularly romance. And I don’t skimp on the erotica if you are interested in how it works.’”

“You didn’t!” Izzy gasped, covering her mouth to keep from laughing.  “That was _savage_ , Alec.  I’m so proud of you.”  He beamed at his sister’s praise.  Robert and Izzy had always been close which was one of the reasons Alec didn’t try to contact her directly after leaving home.  He didn’t want to come between them. But considering how excited she seemed about his story, Alec thought that maybe she’d finally seen the light about their father.  

Probably had years ago but Alec had been too wrapped in his own misery to consider that.

“I left right after that.  Left the books with him, too.  I told the guard if he didn’t want them, to donate them to the prison library.  There might be someone interested in reading them.” He hoped someone could find some enjoyment in those books, knowing full well that Robert wouldn’t have taken them.  To be found with something like that would have been one blow too many to his ego.

“I was waiting for him outside.  We didn’t want to risk him recognizing me,” Magnus explained, hooking his chin over Alec’s shoulder to look at his lover’s siblings and friends.  “Alexander was trembling by the time he got back to me, but when he told me what happened, I realized just how big of a hero he really was.”

“Why would our father recognize you?” Jace asked as the realization dawned on Izzy.

“Oh my god, you’re Asmodeus’ son, aren’t you?”  Magnus tensed behind him and Alec wished his sister would just stop talking.  “No wonder that article included both of them. We thought Alec had infiltrated your father’s business somehow.  I didn’t realize.” Izzy laughed, clamping a hand over her mouth and shaking her head. “Does Dad know? Does Dad know that you two are a couple?”

Alec didn’t see what was so funny about that.  He glared at his sister and shook his head, “No!  Of course not! He doesn’t get to be a part of the best thing that ever happened to me.”  Alec maneuvered them so Magnus was next to him, so he could hold his lover while they spoke.  “Magnus’ safety is the most important thing to me. I won’t risk it just to gloat in Robert’s face.”  

He turned to look at Magnus, eyes softening the moment he saw the unshed tears glistening against that beloved gold.  “We didn’t know who are fathers were when we met. It actually took a very long time - months, really - to figure that out.  But it didn’t matter.” Well, it mattered for a little while but they worked past it and they always would.

“I may have accused your brother of being a spy when I learned his last name. Luckily, he is as stubborn as I am and we talked it out.  I think we are stronger now because of it.”

A glance between Jace and Izzy didn’t go unnoticed and Alec raised a brow, wondering what his siblings were thinking.  “How did you guys know each other for months and not know one another’s last names? That’s weird, don’t you think?” It was.  Alec knew that. “How did you two meet, anyway?”

Nothing about the beginning of their relationship was normal.  Not that they could properly explain that. “It’s a complicated story.  But, Alexander here saved my life. Came to my life in one of my lowest points and pulled me back from the ledge.”  Literally. “He was my guardian angel and we slowly got to know each other from that point on. It wasn’t until much later that we realized we’d fallen in love with one another.”  Cupping Alec’s cheek, Magnus turned his face and kissed him, soft and sweet. “I will always love my angel.”

He blushed and looked down.  There was so much he wanted to say to his lover but not with his siblings watching.  It was a time for him and Magnus alone. “And I will always love you,” Alec whispered back to him, trying to ignore the fact that four pairs of eyes watched as they shared an intimate moment that none of them could understand.

As they stared into each other’s eyes, Alec felt something warm settle in his chest and he blurted out without thinking, “I want to marry you.”  He’d been thinking about it for awhile but he never intended to do it like this. Not with an audience of his siblings and their dates, and certainly not just saying it with no prelude whatsoever.

But as tears glistened in Magnus’ eyes, Alec knew that it didn’t matter when he asked.  What mattered was that he would get to call this beautiful man - a man who was broken in ways that complimented Alec’s own fractured soul - his husband. Nothing else was more important than that.  “Yes,” Magnus breathed and Alec knew Magnus understood. They kissed once more while Jace and Izzy, Simon and Clary all clapped and cheered.

The atmosphere was broken by the timer in the kitchen and they all filed to the dining room while Magnus and Alec got the food.  They ate and laughed and talked and Alec felt happier by the second. Not for the first time since Magnus came into his life, it felt like everything was going to be okay.

“How long have you two been living together?” Jace asked when they were all done with dinner.  “You act like an old married couple. It’s cute. I always hoped Alec would get to have something like this so it’s nice to see it happened.”

Alec held Magnus’ hand in his and squeezed it lightly.  “We moved up here right after my first book went public.  It was only a few months before Robert and Asmodeus were in court for their trials.  We both decided we needed to get away. Sooner or later the press would find out who my father was, and they might eventually start to look for Magnus too.  If we laid low and just lived a quiet life, we hoped we would be left alone So far, it has worked. Lightwood isn’t a common name but so far no one has made the connection.  And Magnus’ job is low profile, so he doesn’t draw a lot of attention. When we get married, that might change. I can’t imagine anyone in New York wouldn’t raise a brow when they see a book written by Alec Lightwood-Bane. “  Those two names would be forever linked, first by their fathers’ crimes and then by the hyphen on Alec’s books.

 _When they got married_.  Alec couldn’t believe that was happening.  That when he received the strangest inheritance ever, it would eventually lead to him marrying the love of his life.  Judging by the smile he received from Magnus, Alec knew Magnus was thinking the exact same thing.

* * *

Considering how small their inner circle was, it didn’t take long to plan the wedding.  They married on the beach outside their home only two months later, with Jace, Izzy, Clary, and Simon in attendance on Alec’s side, and three people Magnus met after leaving his father behind - Raphael, Ragnor, and Catarina - on Magnus’ side.  Clary’s step-father Luke (who was also the police officer who’d helped Magnus and Alec when they brought down the companies), presided over the ceremony.

Neither Alec nor Magnus could stop smiling, the joy for their union written all over their faces.  The moment they were declared legally wed, Magnus pulled Alec into his arms and kissed him deeply, much to the delight of Alec’s friends and family and the amusement of Magnus’.  

They had a small family dinner and when it was done, Magnus and Alec made their way to the airport, catching a flight to their honeymoon.  More than the ceremony, they’d talked about this, because not only was it the start of their married life together but was also the end of another part of their lives.  

A private island in Indonesia was theirs for the next two weeks but it was the first day that would mean the most to them.  

“I’ve never seen them in the daylight,” Magnus said, awestruck as he ran his hands through the feathers on Alec’s wings.  There was no cream left. In eight hours time, they would never see the wings again.

There was a lot they couldn’t do with the wings because of where they lived.  In New York, someone was always watching. The fact that Alec went that long without anyone taking a picture of him was a miracle in and of itself.  But he couldn’t fly Magnus somewhere to see the sunrise, or rest out in the sun, warming his wings in its rays. He regretted not being able to fly again after this but he had a new adventure, one that would let him fly in less literal ways.  

Magnus walked all around him, pressing a kiss directly between the wings and watching them shudder in pleasure.  The night they’d learned how sensitive Alec was there had been a good one for them both.

Magnus’ words were so quiet, Alec almost didn’t hear them.  “You don’t regret this, do you? That you wasted so much of this on me?”  

Frowning, Alec spun to face his husband.  “Regret? Waste? Magnus, do you even hear yourself?  Every moment I get to spend with you is a gift, a dream come true.  I would do it again in a heartbeat if it still led to you being my husband.  You are everything to me. Please understand that.”

“And you are everything to me.  I just thought...”

Alec silenced him with a kiss, slow and deep.  “You thought wrong. You were worth it, Magnus.  You still are. You always will be.”

It would be a slow process.  After everything they went through, Alec couldn’t blame Magnus for having doubts about his worth.  But Alec would spend the rest of his life making sure Magnus felt loved, appreciated, and safe. Just how Alec felt whenever they were together.  

The Dalai Lama once said, “Give the ones you love the wings to fly, roots to come back, and reasons to stay.”  Magnus did just that for Alec.

He might never take to the skies over Manhattan again.  But Alec knew, they were just beginning to fly.

Together.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! It was a labor of love and I couldn't have done it without my amazing beta [1-maleclove-8](http://1-maleclove-8.tumblr.com/) and the oh-so-talented artist [maraudeursera](https://maraudeursera.tumblr.com/). If you could go to their tumblr accounts and give them some love, I would be forever in your debt.


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